I’m the Safety Tag on a Baby Product and, Yeah, I’m Going to Kill Your Baby
CAUTION: I’ve killed before and I’ll kill again. You’re probably thinking: “Why would a soft, soft teddy bear kill a baby?"
Comedy Writing
Why I, a Man, Did Not Actually Beat Serena Williams at Tennis
Was being a gentleman. Instead of keeping my eye on the ball, I was looking at a picture of big yacht.
Solutions to Traffic Congestion the City Is Willing to Try
Asking everybody to scooch over. Or tilt the city a little bit so that everybody rolls one way.
14 Tips for Raising an Under-Litigious Baby
When you sing to your baby please use public-domain music.
How to Tell If That Guy Who Desperately Needs a Kidney Like-Likes You
He asks you about yourself, things like, “Can you give me a kidney?” and, “So how’s about that kidney?”
Dos and Don’ts of Post-Pandemic Etiquette
DON'T: Share hats. Lice? Yuck. DON'T: Cough on your boss. This is a show of dominance and will show that you don’t understand the hierarchy.