Earlier today a guy about my age and I both got on the elevator in my building at the same time. It was obvious I lived there and he was visiting a friend (carrying a 12-pack… good man). Anyway, as you may know, I'm a big fan of social experiments and awkward situations, so I decided to try probably one of the ballsiest lines I've ever tried on a complete stranger.
As we stepped on, he got a really ugly bitter beer face look and said, “EGHHH, this elevator smells weird.“
Without hesitation or any sign of playfulness I shot out, “No, it's just you.”
He immediately let out a stalling chuckle.
And then I waited. As long as possible. It reminded me of the first time I ever cussed in front of my mom, waiting for a reaction, with absolutely NO precedent to go on.
Finally, with one of those slow light-hearted-to-serious expression changes involving a slightly disgusted eyeroll and squint he said, “You think so?”
At this point I had two options:
1. Put on my biggest bulge eyes, get all up in his face, bump his chest and proclaim emphatically, “YEAH, YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHIN' OUT OF IT?” Then, based on whether he really wanted to fight or not I could follow that up with, “LET'S GO! Right here in this elevator!! YOU AND ME, cage match to the death!!! Or, “You know, like a gag deodorant…”
OR
2. Snicker condescendingly, pull a 360 eye roll and say, “Nooo… it's probably just the elevator.”
So, what do you think I did?