KC and his two friends Tito and Chainsaw just survived an adventure with Trevin The Man Whore in the Jurassic Trailer Park where they were insulted and nearly sexually assaulted by two crazed and fat Insane Clown Posse female fans. In retaliation, Tito and KC stole something…
If you're behind, here's Part One and here's Part Two.
CHAINSAW: So what happened in there?
KC: They insulted Cypress Hill.
TITO: And were triple extra gross.
KC: Do you think Trevin The Man-Whore goes to nursing homes to fuck?
TITO: I'd rather bang some old lady cooter than anything in there.
KC: So what are we going to do, with this thing? (Motioning to a questionable lump in his backpack.)
TITO: I don't know, but I'm not touching it again.
KC: But it's in my backpack. You've got to touch it.
TITO: Chainsaw, grab it.
CHAINSAW: Why the hell would I grab it if you two dicks won't?
KC: Oh! Let's find Camo (Chainsaw's roommate). He'll do it.
CHAINSAW: He's fucking his girlfriend.
TITO: How do you know?
CHAINSAW: Roommates always know.
TITO: Yeah. I can tell you with exact precision, KC bangs a girl almost every single day that doesn't exist.
KC: Thanks.
TITO: So we just stole, ugh, that thing, for nothing?
KC: Get me a garbage sack.
TITO: You're just going to throw it away. After all that bullshit.
KC: No. I've got a plan.
(Chainsaw returns with a plastic bag. KC and the gang tiptoe to Camo's door.)
KC (whispering): They're definitely plowing in there.
TITO (whispering): Did he just say, "Fuck me like a Haitian prostitute?"
KC (whispering): How much you think one of those costs?
TITO: Just fucking do it already.
KC: Give me your sack.
CHAINSAW: You two are totally gayer than Camo and me.
(Tito gives KC the garbage sack.)
KC: Oh, Judas Priest, this is so gross.
TITO: What the hell are you going to do with it?
KC: Nasty. There's an "ON" switch.
CHAINSAW: What is it?
KC: I've got to toss this thing before I toss my cookies.
(KC opens Camo's door, throws the object-in-question, closes the door and runs to the couch. The rest of the boys follow.)
CAMO'S RELATIVELY LARGE GIRLFRIEND HE NEVER REALLY CARED FOR (Off screen): Oh baby, now this is sexy. Oh. Yeah!
CAMO (Off screen): Is that? Oh no! Get it off of me! Gaaaaaaaa!
CHAINSAW: If you don't tell me what it is, I'll never drive you to Taco Bell again.
KC: Just wait.
CAMO: WHO THE FUCK IS THE DEAD MAN?
KC: You think he's mad?
(Enter: Camo, covering himself with a pillow. Holding something that looks like a small, yet girthy violet-colored liter-sized water bottle.)
CAMO: I just want to know, how the fuck you assholes want to die.
CHAINSAW: Huh? What's that?
TITO: It's a two-foot long purple, ridged dildo. That's spinning and vibrating at the same time. Used by, those things that are too ugly for the freak show.
CAMO: What?
KC: Yeah, we stole it from a trailer park where Trevin The Man-Whore was making out with something that looks like a moose's ass. Then these crazy clown fuckers tried to molest Tito and me…
TITO: It's true.
KC: And they insulted Cypress Hill and said reading was for assholes…
TITO: Losers.
KC: Said that reading was for losers and they might be carrying one of Trevin The Man-Whore's babies so they went to crap or give themselves coat hanger abortions so Tito and I saw this giant purple dildo and we decided to steal it but we didn't know why but then we thought it would be really really really funny to throw it in your room while you were banging your relatively-large-yet-sort-of-attractive-faced girlfriend.
CAMO: Wow. KC. You said that with one breath.
KC: Sometimes I get excited.
CAMO: Wait? This thing is used.
KC: Yeah. Smell it.
(Camo smells it).
CAMO: What the fuck?!?! (Camo drops it and vomits).
TITO: Dude, gross.
KC: You're, uh, not the sharpest knife in the back. Are you Camo?
CAMO (on the floor, next to a giant purple dong covered in vomit. The dong is still moving): I. Am going. To kill you guys.
KC: Now that there's vomit on Old Purple Cock, that must wrap up all possible bodily fluids, right?
(Camo barfs again).
CHAINSAW: Tomorrow, I'm getting a lock on my door. And a big guard dog.
KC: You're going to need some energy for that.
TITO: Yeah. Want to take us to Taco Bell?
KC: Now this, is the coolest I'll ever get.
END