Halloween is a pretty cool holiday. You get to dress up, drink booze and eat candy. Well, I guess it's basically like every holiday for me. Well, since I'm semi-unemployed now, it's like every day for me. But…that's besides the point.
You've got a week to figure out what to do for Halloween. Don't be that asshole who throws on a flannel shirt and ripped jeans who goes as Kurt Cobain. Think ahead for once. There is potential tail involved, and sometimes getting tail requires some thinking. So buy a blonde wig if you're going to pretend you're the frontman for Nirvana.
GUYS
Just don't be anything too confusing. Every year I run into guys costumed as stupid things. You want to spend your night making out with chicks, not explaining you're supposed to be the Financial Times newspaper (you lean to the right) while your friend is the New York Times (he leans to the left). Just pick something easy. Don't wear a full-faced mask, these cut into make out time. Don't wear a chicken, gorilla or any giant furry animal suit. You have no clue who wore that last. Gross. You'll smell awful, overheat and probably pass out. Remember, getting teabagged by your friends does not count as making out.
GIRLS
There's always one girl in the group that says, "I hate Halloween. It's just an excuse for girls to dress up as sluts." Tell her you're going to work in the soup kitchen instead, and then ditch that stuck up snot. Seriously my female fans, your only job is to dress slutty. If you have to ask yourself, "Is this slutty enough?" Take off a piece of clothing. Honestly, guys don't give a shit about your ability to be creative. Ever. Halloween especially. I don't want to think, "Is that girl supposed to be a bunny or one of the Three Blind Mice?" I'm only thinking, "Will that girl with the huge knockers bang me?"
That's it.
Remember the KISS Rule.
Boys: Keep It Simple, Stupid.
Ladies: Keep It Slutty, Slut.