We Can Change the World (We Won’t Though)
We could save the world, but there are a bunch of new shows on and a couple of cute girls coming over because I informed them that I brought over these drugs. So, nah.
Tag: The Nate Way
The Snippets Restrain Themselves
Me: So you have a restraining order on your live-in boyfriend? How do you work that? Billie: It's easy. He loves me. And I love him... from five hundred feet anyway.
Observations Like Kansas City Style Ebola
I really hope you're super afraid of Ebola. Because I heard that terrorists are gonna use Ebola as a biological weapon.
Oscar Taveras in Perspective
Do not tell me that the death of Oscar Taveras puts sports or entertainment into any kind of new damn perspective, because it does not. It just sucks.
First Date
Inside my phone are more distractions and sources of entertainment than one person could ever need. So as far as this date goes, you're in second place.
The Snippets Cancelled a Memorial
Me: We drove by the memorial for that Vonderrit Myers kid. Joe: We’re doing memorials for people who shoot at city cops now? Me: I guess so.
Observations Like Steamed Hipsters
I can't grow a beard so I'll never be a hipster. My genetics are once again holding me back from being cool. It's like basketball camp all over again.
She Told Me
She told me she wanted to build a life together and then freaked out when I brought home the stem cells. Women never really know what they want.
Observations Move to Russia
The same old, white American people who came out against gay marriage are the same people who tell me that if I don't like it, then I should move to Russia.
The Snippets Die Hard
<p>Lisa: She said she couldn’t believe that we would treat her like that on the anniversary of her mother’s death.<br />Dan: Like we’re supposed to know when her mom died. <br />Gordon: We should totally make that a new Facebook setting. We could start a new Hallmark trend.
To Detect and Curse
I told my buddy that he shouldn't drive and so he did the typical thing that drunken people do in that situation: told me I was ugly and stupid.
Observations Bombed
Whenever there's some kind of mass killing or attack in this country, it totally ruins my productivity at work. I'm like, "Whoa, hey, who can think of work at a time like this?"