Danielle: You look depressed.
Me: Albert Pujols got injured yesterday. He'll probably be out for a month.
Danielle: Who's gonna be out of what now?
Me: The best position player on the Cardinals got injured.
Danielle: Wait. Don't all players play a position?
Me: Do you really want to hear the long explanation for that baseball term?
Danielle: No.
Jake: So with all the bad juju you been getting these last couple a months, you're letting this bother you?
Me: The dude's pretty much the franchise. We don't get to the post-season without him. Even if he's only out for three weeks, that's a serious loss of production.
Jake: If I had to rank your problems in life, I would put this at number seventeen, behind the dandruff.
Me: Shit.
Me: What would you rank number four?
Jake: Why number four? Why don't you ask for number one?
Me: I know my top three.
Jake: Your smirking, cocky face.
Me: My face?
Jake: Yeah. Either you're always bullshitting with the world or you naturally developed a shit-eating grin that won't go away.
Me: I should have asked for number five.
Jake: You're disrespectful.
Me: Fuck you.
Jake: See what I mean?
Ed: Did you see the Indiana Jones movie?
Me: Nope.
Ed: Did you like the other Indiana Jones movies?
Me: Yup.
Ed: Word of advice then, old friend: don't see the Indiana Jones movie.
Me: Done.
Me: So I walk into the liquor store and there're two ugly lesbians making out and rubbing body parts I've been kicked out of restaurants for rubbing and they're the only other customers besides me. And when they left, me and the liquor store guy busted out in laughter simultaneously. It was a cool moment.
Gray: Why in the hell did you just tell me that?
Me: ‘Cause it happened and it was kinda funny.
Gray: What a pointless thing to say.
Me: You want to be left alone, don't you?
Ryan: Dude, did you hear about Pujols?
Me: Ruined my day.
Ryan: Dude, he'll be back.
Me: That supposed to make me feel better?
Ryan: Man, you really need a life. It's just baseball.
Me: I can't believe you just said that. I feel like I don't even know you.
Ryan: Sadly, I am aware that you mean that.
Chris: Hey man. Been reading your blog. How's life in Tampa?
Me: Cool. How's St. Louis?
Chris: Same as always. Sucks. So man, your blog makes it sound like you been through some tough times.
Me: Yeah.
Chris: You sound depressed.
Me: Man, I just don't know what the Birds are gonna do without Pujols.
Chris: Holy shit! Pujols got injured! What the hell happened?