The snippets, in case you're new to the site, are chunks of conversation I take out of context and put up on the site. I haven't done them lately because my conversations haven't been worth it but this one… well, judge for yourself.
Me: Hello.
Natasha: I want Roxy back. We're shopping and she looks sooooo hot. You have to let me have her.
Me: Natasha, we've been through this. If y'all wanta fuck that's fine, but have her home by ten. I have needs too, you know.
Natasha: Fuck you. I want her all to myself.
Me: Too bad, she's mine.
Natasha: Fuck you then, dick [hangs up phone].
Me: Hello Natasha.
Natasha: What have you been doing to my girl? She won't even kiss me anymore. She says she loves you. Have you been going down on her? ‘Cause you know that's my job? God, she is so whipped.
Me: I'm trying to watch the game here, Tasha.
Natasha: Oh fuck your Cardinals.
Me: Bye [hangs up phone].
Me: Hey, Tash, what the hell is so important this time? You called like three minutes ago.
Natasha: Can I at least buy her a bracelet?
Me: …
Natasha: Are you there?
Me: I'm thinking. I mean, if you were a guy I'd say no but you're not a guy and I guess… You know what, if she wants a bracelet, get her a bracelet.
Natasha: Can I buy here a new two-way for her clit?
Me: Jesus, you just don't know when to quit. Leave her clit alone. I'm happy with the way it is.
Natasha: Fine, buzz kill.
Me: Hey baby.
Roxy: Hey, I'm leaving. Sorry about Natasha. She gets a little jealous sometimes. I should be at your place by nine.
Me: It's a shame you can't bring her.
Roxy: She's not one of the ones that likes guys. She's a one-girl girl.
Me: Something to be said for old-fashioned lesbians, I guess.
Roxy: What?
Me: Nothing. See you soon.
Roxy: Do you want me to bring beer?
Me: I love you.
Roxy: Love you too, baby.
Me: Jesus, this fucking phone. Hello, Natasha.
Natasha: You turned my girlfriend straight!
Me: Um… Er… Well then.
Natasha: What do you have to say for yourself?
Me: Um… Er… Biology… and stuff?
Natasha: You better treat her right or I'll come steal her back and fuck her right in front of you while you're tied to a chair and ball-gagged.
Me: And the downside would be…
Natasha: Just treat her right, Nathan.
Me: Yes ma'am.
Natasha: That's what I like to hear.
Me: Don't I know it.
Scott: Hello, you reached Scott.
Me: I need some advice.
Scott: Wear a rubber.
Me: Not that kind of advice. My girlfriend is having a hard time breaking up with her girlfriend and now the girlfriend of my girlfriend has my number and she's threatening me and I don't know whether or not I should take her seriously.
Scott: Wear a rubber.
Me: Dude, I need help here. I've never been in this situation.
Scott: A) yes you have, B) you and Roxy will break up soon enough anyway and C)—and I cannot stress C enough—wear a rubber.
Me: You're no help.
Scott: I am if you wear a rubber.
Me: Bye Scott.
Scott: Bye Whore.