There will be rare moments in your life (or lack thereof) where you must temporarily abandon the comfortable recesses of your mother's basement. This shall serve as your guide, for you will encounter many dangers upon your journey which you are not familiar with.
After reluctantly ripping your pale, bony fingers away from your ejaculate-stained, crumb-filled keyboard, and throwing on a dirtier change of clothes, you make the difficult climb up the stairs into the unknown. As you slowly push open the door, the brighest burning hot yellow light burns your eyes, more and more pushing through as you open the door wider and wider. You try to block this "sun" from your eyes by holding your hand up in the air, but the sun is quite the formidable opponent. You will soon learn that it does not back down. Well, until 8 or so at night.
At this point, sweat is most surely dripping off your forehead, and your fat ass is exhausted, but your trek is not over. It has only just begun, my friend.
Whilst upon this noble journey into what is known as “the real world” (not the show, well kinda like it, but with more transvestites) , you will come across many treacherous pitfalls, beasts, and demons. Unfortunately you have no weapons in your inventory (other than the ability to mumble, and boundless amounts of nervousness) and your charisma is like -10.
One of the creatures you may fail at avoiding is what is called a “female.” These "females" must be handled a certain way, or sudden death will be quick to follow…
First, eye contact must be avoided at all costs. If, however, curiosity gets the best of you (that fucking slut curiosity) and you look once at one of these ‘women', quickly look away nervously by darting your eyes away and down at the ground.
If the female engages you in a dual of words (a "Conversation"), surrender as quickly as possible. Try saying something like "I have to go convince a webcam girl to take her shirt off" or "I'm not sexist, I just don't think women should be allowed to vote, speak, or think" or "that nun outfit makes you look fat." One of those should do the trick.
Make sure during the conversational battle that you struggle with words. Try hard not to form a coherent sentence or provoke more conversation. DO NOT ASK YOUR OPPONENT ANY QUESTIONS. One word answers, a nod, or nervous laughter as responses are best. The more awkward silence during the conversation the better. Keep looking away in the direction in which you wish you could go to. Fumble with your fingers, drop whatever you're holding, turn away with your back to them and start humming, etc.
Whatever you do, do not appear calm and collected, reciprocate anything, “pass the conversational ball,” or worst of all flirt. If you do any of these things, this "female" will attack, swallowing your penis with her vagina. Then the battle will be over.