>>> The News: JAY KAY!
By staff writer Amir Blumenfeld
December 15, 2004
The real news (for boring people)
The breakdown (for college people)
2004 the Fourth-Hottest Year on Record
By KEVIN GRAY, Associated Press Writer
BUENOS AIRES, Argentina – The year 2004, punctuated by four powerful hurricanes in the Caribbean and deadly typhoons lashing Asia, was the fourth-hottest on record, extending a trend that has seen the 10 warmest years ever beginning in the 1990s, a U.N. weather agency said Wednesday.
It should also be noted that the thermometer indicating warmth was moved in 1990 from San Francisco to the surface of Earth's sun. Which would explain the discrepancies.
The current year was also the most expensive for the insurance industry in coping worldwide with hurricanes, typhoons and other weather-related natural disasters, according to new figures released by U.N. environmental officials.
First it's too hot, now its too windy. Humans complain waaaay too much. Right God? *Thunder*
The World Meteorological Organization said it expects Earth's average surface temperature to rise 0.8 degrees above the normal 57 degrees Fahrenheit, adding 2004 to a recent pattern that included the hottest year registered in 1998 and the next three warmest since then.
Holy shit! NOT .8!!! RUN!!!! *Hole in ozone setting houses ablaze instantly*
The month of October also registered as the warmest October since accurate readings began in 1861, said the agency, which is responsible for assembling data from meteorologists and climatologists worldwide.
Holy shit! Not October!! RUN!!! *Hole in last joke setting houses ablaze instantly*
“This was a very warm year,” said Michel Jarraud, the World Meteorological Organization secretary-general.
That was the fourth least descriptive quote since 1861.
The report's release comes as environmental ministers from some 80 countries gathered in Buenos Aires for a United Nations conference on climate change, looking at ways to cut down on greenhouse gases that some say contribute heavily to Earth's warming.
Call me crazy, but wouldn't we worry a lot less about global warming, if we didn't track it so accurately?!
This summer, heat waves in southern Europe pushed temperatures to near-record highs in southern Spain, Portugal and Romania, where thermostats peaked at 104 degrees while the rest of Europe sweltered through above-average temperatures.
When I was a kid I slept in an oven that my mother turned on to 350 degrees for 8 hours. My skin was crispy and my muscles were cooked, but you don't hear me complaining. Also, I think I'm a turkey.
Jarraud said the warming and increased storm activity could not be attributed to any particular cause, but was part of a global warming trend that was likely to continue.
Can't we just blame Saddam Hussein? I mean Iraq is really hot as well. More like WEAPONS OF ICE DESTRUCTION! Hahahah aaaaaaaaahhhhh AH!
Scientists have reported that temperatures across the globe rose an average of 1 degree over the past century with the rate of change since 1976 at roughly three times that over the past 100 years.
Shit! You realize what this means?! IN 1,000 YEARS, THE AVERAGE TEMPERATURE IS GONNA BE CLOSE TO SIXTY DEGREES! I weep for our children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's children's grandchild.
This year, the Caribbean had four hurricanes that reached Category 4 or 5 status — those capable of causing extreme and catastrophic damage. It was only the fourth time in recent history that so many were recorded. The hurricanes of 2004 caused more than $43 billion in damages in the Caribbean and the United States.
Does that include dead sharks? Does that 43 billion dollar figure include dead sharks? Why won't anybody answer me!!!
The worst damage was on Haiti, where as many as 1,900 people died from flooding and mudslides caused by Tropical Storm Jeanne in September.
Wow, really? 1,900? How come I didn't hear about this? Ohhh, it was probably around the same time as George Bush and Kerry debating so all the media hub bub was around that. Okay that makes sense. *1,900 cold stares from heaven*
Japan and the Philippines also saw increased extreme tropical weather, with deadly typhoons lashing both islands. Japan registered a record number of typhoons making landfall this year with 10, while back-to-back storms in the Philippines killed at least 740 people in the wettest year there since 2000, the U.N. agency said.
Who's to say whether a storm is back to back or just one big one? Hahaha. I said “Whether a storm.”
Statistics released at the climate change conference showed that natural disasters across the world in the first 10 months of the year cost the insurance industry just over $35 billion, up from $16 billion in 2003.
What kind of insane business can actually pay off a $35 billion dollar cost, and still have money to stay operational?! “35 bill? Ah. no big deal, lemme write you a check. You know what, here's 36 billion, keep the change.”
Other parts of the world also witnessed extreme weather, with droughts occurring in the western United States, parts of Africa, Afghanistan, Australia and India. Jarraud, of the U.N. weather agency, said the droughts were part of what appears to be a surge over the last decade.
Why don't we take the moisture caused by the hurricanes and dump it over the drought filled arid wastelands in India. Sounds like a win-win situation! Now all we need is a mad scientist….
Citing recent studies by European climatologists, Jarraud said heat waves in Europe “could over the next 50 years become four or five times as frequent as they are now.”
“COULD” become? Over the next “FIFTY YEARS?” “FOUR or FIVE?” This mother fucker won't make his mind up about ANYTHING. Now, about that mad scientist….