Spock and Friends
There is no journalistic integrity and there never was. There's only the dogged pursuit of money, power, fame, and orgasm. And I'm pretty sure Spock knew that.
Tag: Primal Urges
Your Guide to Having Fun in Ferguson
You probably don't want to go to Ferguson, MO. But should you go, here are five things to check out there, the third most fun place in North St. Louis County.
It’s Your World, Fat People
Listen up, fat people: don't let Big Government tell you how large your soda can be, or that you need to get an hour of exercise a day. Start being fat and proud.
An Open Letter to Everyone Who Watches Breaking Bad
Unmanned drones are killing innocent humans every day on this planet, but all of that is weak sauce compared to a fictional methamphetamine empire TV show.
Your Guide to Behaving at a Funeral
As someone who has misbehaved at funerals in the past, I have learned the hard way what is and is not acceptable behavior at a funeral. Heed this advice at all times.
Detroit’s First Step Towards Robocop
The City of Detroit has decided they like Robocop so much they're making it a reality by going bankrupt. Welcome to Future Dystopian Detroit!
Waking Up Pays Nothing
The only reason that anyone has an opinion anymore is not because of any kind of search for truth, it’s because they are looking to get paid.
Five Things I Hate About List Articles That Mock List Articles
Any asshole can write a list of things they hate about list-oriented comedy with little effort. It takes a more sophisticated asshole to make fun of list-writing list-haters, in list form.
Your Guide to Ignorant Voting
I fill out my ballot based on a system I invented years ago that has nothing to do with any kind of informed opinion of anything. I am awesome like that.
The Replacement Refs and the Oil Game
If you have oil, the US will come in and take it in the name of God and Country because we're patriots. And that's not the kind of reality I want to face, so I watch football.
5 Election Year Inevitabilities
We, as a species that made up hours and days to provide ourselves with some sense of order in an overcooked burger of a universe, want to believe that things change. But they don't.
We Should Boycott Damn Near Everything
We need to believe in stuff, and stand up for the stuff we believe in. We will not be controlled by a society that allows an economy to benefit only a select few. ...Right?