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Um…uhhhhh. Where did Justin's and Mike's comment boxes go? I CAN'T HANDLE CHANGE. Omgomgomgomg, and so on.

I have in place a complex series of checks and balances to ensure that I never read either of their columns. Kidding, kidding!! Seriously though, there aren't any balances. As for the comment boxes, Court tells me he had to replace them after some “no-good rowdy teens” stole them as a prank.

I've been with this girl for 2 years and she don't know anything about me. Yes I've been keeping secrets…about my son, and being married before (twice). I really love her, but I'm afraid if I tell her that it will break her heart. I feel so bad. Help me out!

You have to tell her. Every day you put it off, you're just digging yourself deeper. At this point you're probably well into the hot silicate rock of the Earth's mantle. This is a bad situation for two reasons. First, you're being exposed to intense heat generated by the radioactive decay of uranium, potassium, and thorium. That can't be healthy. Second, your girlfriend is going to be really pissed when she finds out you've been lying to her for two years.

This girl is in love with the guy you're pretending to be. She's not in love with you, because she doesn't know you're a liar leading a double life.* You need to be honest with her, and if she decides to leave, so be it.

*Remember: There's nothing wrong with a double life as long as you lead them consecutively rather than concurrently.

So there is this guy who is a friend of one of my friends from another school. He comes to visit every now and then with her. We usually hook up when he comes around but he has never gotten my phone number. Is he just in it for the sex?

Yes and no. “Yes,” in that he sleeps with you when it's convenient for him, and isn't interested in getting to know you outside the context of his sporadic visits. “No,” in that he…well, he always…ummm…..hmm. Okay, well I guess we're gonna have to go with “Yes” for now.

I love my gf but I also love her sister and I was wondering if I would be able to have sex with both of them. Is it morally ok?

Well, sure! What could possibly be wrong with that? I know how much I love loaning out my kid sister to the guys I date. I just ask that they don't write on her, or rip any of her pages.