Assless in Alaska

Who's your Daddy?

I'm not totally sure. My mom always told me that I was sired by Seattle Slew, the 1977 Triple Crown champion. In that past few years I've begun to question that story, for obvious reasons: Seattle Slew has dark brown hair, and I'm clearly a blonde. However, we do have similar bone structure.

Love the college experience, frats, the apartment life, classes and all that. It's so damn hard to find girls like that!

Huh. That's weird, because I always notice a steady stream of hot, crispy sorority girls streaming out of the tanning salon. Just follow the distinct aroma of Tommy Girl perfume and lightly broiled flesh.

This is not a college related question but just want to hear an opinion from someone who doesn't know me and you seem pretty blatantly honest. I'm in Alaska with the Army and there are no women around here but natives. I am not racist in the least, but I can't stand them because they are always drunk and 99.9% of the time they are hideous. I have a year and 8 months left before I get out and go home. What should I do in the mean time about the women sitch? Porn's gettin' real old.

Maybe YOUR porn is getting old…but you haven't tried MY porn. Here are a few samples from my collection I compiled while on vacation, which almost exclusively features old, fat Brazilian men in banana hammocks. Enjoy!