- A ladder. But it has to be really tall.
- An airplane. Not a commercial jet, though, because He sees those and hides from them for a variety of reasons that, frankly, He doesn't have to explain to you.
- LSD. Maybe peyote, though I have heard that peyote sometimes brings you closer to nature, not God, so proceed with caution. If you accidentally get closer to nature instead of God, He will be jealous and vengeful.
- Fucking like an animal, in accordance with the gospel of Trent Reznor.
- Sending Him flowers every once in a while, you ingrate.
- By approaching slowly and soundlessly in His periphery. He is all-knowing but He is not all-seeing. God actually has kind of poor eyesight due to age-related macular degeneration, although it's well known that He can sense movement like a T-rex.
- Texting each other nudes.
- Make Him His favorite meal. How should I know what it is? You're the one who has been in a relationship with Him all these years. You know what? The fact that you don't even know is exactly why none of these tips are ever going to work for you.
- Wearing high heels.
- A lot of boxes stacked one on top of the other.
Resources