Alaska — The name and physical description of a local plow driver
Nevada — An inventory of what you’ve pawned to try to recoup your gambling losses
Wisconsin — Pocket cheese
Michigan — The forlorn look that only a Lions fan could have
Texas — A gun, and a declaration that you’re “a good guy”
Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa — A framed photo of you holding up an ear of corn like an Academy Award
California — Your Academy Award
Colorado — A polaroid of you in hiking boots kneeling beside your unwashed Subaru Outback
West Virginia — Sooty palms, which must then be washed to avoid invalid ballots
Alabama, Mississippi — Your plainly visible Confederate flag tattoo
Pennsylvania — The discreet Confederate flag tattoo under your collar
Connecticut — A LinkedIn reference from a Red Sox fan and a Yankees fan
Delaware — A record of all the times you’ve seen Joe Biden at the Wilmington Amtrak station
Washington, D.C. — A traffic cam snapshot of you running a red
North Carolina, Tennessee, Missouri, Arkansas — A bottle of your signature barbecue sauce (signature must be on bottle)
Hawaii — “Hawaiʻi”
Kentucky — Have never been to the Kentucky Derby
Indiana, Oklahoma — Arriving at the polls on your tractor
New Jersey — Directions to the nearest Sopranos filming location
Maryland — Directions to Camden Yards that avoid The Wire filming locations
Rhode Island — Which Newport mansion you’d like to own and why
Washington, Oregon — Commenting on how nice the overcast weather is
Massachusetts — The address of your lake house in New Hampshire
Maine — Digging out an L.L. Bean receipt from your cargo shorts
New Hampshire — A complaint about lake house owners from Massachusetts
Vermont — A self-portrait you whittled out of a stick
Louisiana — A catfish bite mark
Minnesota — Praising paper ballots purely as a sign of respect for Paul Bunyan
Florida — A video of you praising the “achievements” of the “outstanding” and “tall” Ron DeSantis
Arizona — The emergency cactus you keep on your back porch in case of severe drought
Georgia — The name and number of your Masters ticket connection
North Dakota — Any piece of clothing that says “North Dakota” on it
South Dakota — A friend of a friend says they know about “the treasure” buried in Mount Rushmore
Idaho, Montana, Wyoming — A ten-step plan in case the Yellowstone megavolcano erupts/the Democrats come to take your guns
Ohio — Defining “buckeye”
Virginia — A list of three things in your county that were once named after Robert E. Lee
South Carolina — A list of three things in your county that have recently been named after Robert E. Lee
Utah — A ski trip family photo (wide lens)
New York — Your driver’s license will do just fine, as long as you brag that it’s better than every other state’s