Routine system maintenance this weekend
Executive you’ve never met getting promoted
Friendly reminder that client bathroom is for clients only
New satellite office opening in Austin that junior employees will never get to visit
Congealed leftover pizza in kitchen
Holiday party announcement (less swanky venue than last year)
Executive you’ve never met leaving company
Executive leaving company under mysterious circumstances
Executive leaving company under circumstances that become increasingly and passive-aggressively clear the more you read
Routine system maintenance this weekend
Updates on benefits package
Updates on benefits package being slashed
Free furniture on third floor that no one will physically be able to take home
Trip to bar after work that isn’t, like, mandatory, but everyone knows the boss has to like drinking with you to get ahead at this company
Trip to axe-throwing bar after work that isn’t, like, mandatory, but everyone knows the boss has to like burying a hatchet deep inside your skull to get ahead at this company
Intern thinking they’re sending a document to the color printer
Less friendly reminder that client bathroom is for clients only
Executive you’ve never met having baby
Executive’s wife having baby
Executive’s mistress having baby
Executive’s wife and mistress having babies on same day (two emails)
Executive, executive’s wife, and executive’s mistress all having babies on same day (three emails)
Routine system maintenance this weekend
Plea for someone else to organize office kickball this year
Boss’s birthday party starting in kitchen
No one showed up to boss’s birthday party and now he’s sad and taking the rest of the week off
Employee lost laptop charger
Employee found laptop charger
Employee accidentally took someone else’s laptop charger
Client bathroom out of service
Changes to office pet policy to ban Lisa’s yippy little rat dog
Routine system maintenance this weekend
Reasons why unionizing is not in employees’ best interest
Labelmaker is missing