Flatten your child’s boredom this summer with these positively planar pastimes! Every one of these activities will teach your kids creativity, teamwork, and that the Earth is a flat disk whose true shape is hidden from the world by evil organizations such as NASA, The Bilderberg Group, and The Replogle Globe Company of Hillside, IL.
Cook a Meal
You and your mini-chef can have a kitchen adventure making homemade chicken nuggets and fries. When serving the meal, ask your child whether they want to eat on a flat plate or an upside-down bowl. Once they see their nuggets sliding off that orb, your child will soon realize that flat surfaces are the only way to go!
Take a Trip
Find a cheap domestic flight for a weekend getaway. During the flight, take out your spirit level and ask your kids to watch the bubble. When it stays still, point out that if there was a curve to the Earth, wouldn’t it make sense for the bubble to have moved? If they have any follow-up questions, direct them to several three hour-long Youtube videos.
Make Popsicles
On a hot day, cool off by making yummy homemade popsicles in an ice cube tray. Arrange the cubes around the circumference of a dinner plate to simulate the Antarctic Ice wall that stops the ocean from pouring off the edge of the Earth. When your children try to touch the wall, slap their hands away to simulate the globalist flat-alist conspiracy preventing us from reaching it.
Play Dress Up
Rent an astronaut costume. In the middle of the night burst into your child’s bedroom screaming, “Space isn’t real! Gravity is an illusion! NASA has pictures of Heaven they don’t want us to see!”
Go on a Nature Walk
Take a walk in your local nature preserve, hiking to the top of the highest peak. From that vantage, ask your child if they see the curve of the Earth. If they say yes, leave them in the woods for an hour. When you return, ask them if they see the curve of the Earth. Repeat until you get that NO!
Role Play
With your child’s newfound belief in the flat Earth, they may come across opposition from non-believing “Globeheads.” Arm them with ironclad comebacks like “If Earth was round, wouldn’t we fall off?” “How much is Big Globe paying you to say that?” and “Shut up!”
After a summer of these activities, your kids will be flat-out convinced of the Earth’s true shape! Be sure to check out the next article in this series: “Throw A QAnon Birthday Party That Will Have Your Kids Saying The World Is Run By A Cabal Of Satanic Cannibal Pedophile Alien Lizards Wearing Human Skin.”