The ten holy days beginning with Rosh Hashanah and ending with Yom Kippur are commonly known as Yamim Noraim, the “Days of Awe.” But did you know the Torah specifies these other, lesser known Days of Awe, too?
- The one spring day every year in New York City in which it is neither torrentially sleeting nor 95 degrees and humid.
- The day your Nana emailed you that chain message about how Martin Luther King Jr., Anne Frank, and Barbara Walters were all born in the same year.
- The day Biden won—November 5th, I think? Or the 7th?
- New York City’s Annual 4th of July Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest, sponsored by Nathan’s Hot Dogs.
- The 2018 “Going out of Kid-ness” Fire Sale at Toys ‘R’ Us.
- Your first white Christmas.
- The day you realize that the human species is so powerful, white Christmases will be eradicated in your lifetime.
- “Ivy Day” 2012, when your asshole cousin Mark didn’t get into Brown despite his dad going there and Aunt Joan cried because she realized he’d probably have to settle for Tufts.
- Any day spent watching the Harlem Globetrotters. Have you seen those guys perform?
- Square Pizza Day in the middle school cafeteria—unless you were homeschooled, in which case, the day of awe was the one when you learned that the earth, much like pizza, is round.
- Every day you remember that Liza Minelli is Judy Garland’s daughter.
- Corey Seager World Series MVP Bobblehead Day at Truist Park as presented by Budweiser.
- The day you looked in the mirror and found you could finally fill a Victoria’s Secret PINK T-Shirt Bra, size AAA.
- The day you threw away your mirror and realized you could just… not… wear a bra.
- February 15th, November 1st, and December 26th in the candy aisle at Walgreens.
- The day Oprah interviewed Meghan and Harry, when you figured out that Prince Charles is kind of like your toxic ex—never calls, always makes it seem like it’s your fault, terrible teeth.
- The day… the music… died!
- The day you realize that your last day at the playground has already passed without you even taking note, and now you’re an adult who can’t go to the playground anymore because it would be creepy and you might get arrested, so you look out the window at the kids strolling by on your block and realize that childhood is fleeting and ever-fading. Maybe you should get pregnant?
- Leap Day.
- The day you find out your ex is dating someone new, and she’s a Disney Adult.
- The day your ex gets cancelled on Twitter for insisting that the live action Little Mermaid is not realistic unless Ariel is played by a white actress, and you finally realize you’re completely over him.
- Improv Everywhere’s Pantsless Subway Day—or so we’ve heard? Has anyone actually seen a flash-mob in real life?
- The day Obergefell v. Hodges was decided and gay marriage became the law of the land.
- The day after Obergefell v. Hodges was decided when your uncle revealed his roommate was also your uncle.
- Release day for Beyonce’s “Lemonade.” Which reminds me, did I ever cancel my Tidal subscription? Am I still paying for that?
- 11:11 on 11/11/11—hope you made a big wish, because, as Nana informed you on another email chain, that bad boy only comes around once every 111 years!
- Pi day, for some people, probably?
- The day you see on Facebook that your toxic ex and the Disney Adult are expecting a Disney Baby—and that their Donald Duck gender reveal firecrackers set off a series of highly destructive wildfires. Awe can be bad, too!
- $1 Long Island Iced Tea Day at Applebees.
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