“52 Places to Go in 2020”
—The New York Times
While Thinking About: Exploring the complex, fraught history of being black in America at the National Museum of African-American History and Culture in Washington, D.C.
You'll Be: Sobbing uncontrollably in your living room for the seventh time in three days after watching that episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air where Will’s dad leaves him.
While Thinking About: Lounging on the sandy beaches of Richard Branson’s private island in the British Virgin Islands while cherishing the sunset that shimmers off state-of-the-art and environmentally-friendly yachts anchored in the nearby lagoon.
You'll Be: Using the “Ped Egg” you bought from the infomercial to scrape off your recently acquired athlete’s foot. Why didn’t you wear flip-flops in the shower at Planet Fitness?!
While Thinking About: The tropical rainforest of Rhukanrhuka in Rurrenabaque, Bolivia and appreciating the fragile ecosystem that shelters pink river dolphins and endangered tiki monkeys.
You'll Be: Swearing at the deli rat that scampered off with your last Funyun.
While Thinking About: The effects of climate change on the increasingly-disappearing Greenland Ice Sheet and valuing this delicate orb we live on called “Earth.”
You'll Be: Dousing the worn-down tire in your backyard with lighter fluid since it’s too late to dump it at that park next to I-35.
While Thinking About: Paul Giamatti’s seminal performance in Sideways while nibbling on local cheeses and touring the celebrated wine country of Paso Robles, California. Am I picking up a soupçon of violets and chamomile from this glass of pinot noir?
You'll Be: Watching Paul Giamatti in Big Momma’s House and drinking prosecco out of a shoe.
While Thinking About: Learning la bella lingua and harvesting olives in a quaint Sicilian villa as the balmy Mediterranean evening air floats through the countryside.
You'll Be: Listening to your (Serbian?) landlady yell at you for clogging the toilet (again).
While Thinking About: Maria Triaviello’s enchanting aria during her operatic performance in The Magic Flute at the Salzburg Marionette Theatre.
You'll Be: Browsing Pornhub.
While Thinking About: Arriving in Tokyo for the Summer Olympics via bullet train just in time to catch the decathlon semi-finals and chow on some delicious Michelin-starred ramen at Tsuta.
You'll Be: Nursing your hamstring after a particularly strenuous game of cornhole.
While Thinking About: Contemplating the Israeli-Palestinian crisis as you saunter around the ancient port city of Caesarea admiring Roman ruins and antiquities of yore. Shouldn’t we be building bridges, not walls?
You'll Be: Giggling as you watch two dogs fight over a turkey leg.
While Thinking About: Catching the eye of a beautiful German girl while dancing the night away at the hottest club in Leipzig. Afterwards, stealing her heart by offering to take her to an ongoing exhibition celebrating the city’s 500 years of industrialization.
You'll Be: Frantically deactivating your Facebook account after you’ve accidentally entered the name of your ex into your status update instead of the search bar.
While Thinking About: Trekking the Transylvanian Alps, with only a compass and an overwhelming sense of wanderlust to guide you through the untouched beauty of Domogled-Valea Cernei National Park.
You'll Be: “Is that a guy following me? … Oh my God, he is, isn’t he?! Walk faster. Don’t look over your shoulder. I knew I shouldn't've walked home by myself this late at night. Shitshitshitshit. I’m really freaking out right now. Why didn’t I bring my pepper spray?! Seriously, why didn’t I…
Oh wait…
Is that a…?
Never mind.
It was just an Arby’s bag blowing down the street.”
While Thinking About: Treating yourself to a soothing dip in the natural hot springs of Namadgut, Tajikistan and afterwards planning for a midnight hike through the Murghab mountains to catch a glimpse of the Milky Way.
You'll Be: Priding yourself in modernizing the “shower beer” by having a “foot bath White Claw.”