7:30 pm – Your order has been placed. Pork dumplings. Nice!
7:32 pm – Your order is out for delivery. Look for Seth in a Silver Nissan.
7:40 pm – Uh oh! Your driver Seth seems to be lost. His car may be headed in the opposite direction of your house, but those pork dumplings remain fresh as ever!
7:55 pm – We've located Seth. He's currently at his ex-girlfriend Emily's house. Emily has not placed an order. We are unsure how Seth got the address, or if he remembered the extra packets of dipping sauce.
8:00 pm – Oops! It looks like you aren't the only one who has requested “contactless delivery” from Seth. Emily refused to come outside. Seth has promised it will be different this time. We assure you these pork dumplings are consistently great!
8:03 pm – Emily's new boyfriend, Marco, has appeared at the door. He's taller than Seth.
8:07 pm – Marco is a lawyer. Princeton grad. Third in his class. Made partner last year at his firm. This is a major upgrade over your driver Seth, who dropped out of school last year to focus on his podcast.
8:10 pm – Marco teaches cooking classes on Monday nights at the community center. This is a man who appreciates a hot and crispy pork dumpling!
8:15 pm – Seth has returned to his car and confirmed your address for the first time. Your dumplings are no longer crispy or hot. Seth lives with his parents.
8:20 pm – Oh no! Seth is headed back to Emily's house. Something about “THE PERFECT clap back for Marco.” Our condolences to both your pork dumplings and Emily's evening. Please accept $5 off your next order.
8:25 pm – Your driver Seth has been taken into police custody. We apologize for the delay. We have contacted the restaurant to prepare a new order and a new driver. Please rate your experience with Seth and consider leaving some money for his bail.
9:02 pm – Your new driver is… Marco?! He insisted? Wow! Look for a tasteful and appropriately modest Lexus hybrid. New model, very stylish. We added some extra dumplings and a side of chicken wings to your order. Marco's idea. What a guy!
9:05 pm – You are jealous of Emily.
9:06 pm – The pork dumplings are underwhelming.