Terrible Game Shows That, for the Love of God, Should Never Be Created

Who Wants to SEE a Millionaire?

Hey America, have you ever seen a millionaire before? Well, guess what: we’ve got one, and he’s right behind this curtain! Answer enough trivia questions correctly… and we’ll let you see him! Fridays at 6ET/5CT, only on the Game Show Network.

Are You David Sedaris?

Don’t touch that dial, folks! Are you acclaimed humorist and radio contributor David Sedaris? If you are, then you could win some BIG BUCKS! And if you’re not… then it’s off to the dunk tank! This summer, only on NBC.

Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader Who Knows Almost Everything About the Collected Works of Franz Kafka, but Really Not That Much About Anything Else?

Look out, America. This weird kid knows a TON about Kafka and basically nothing about math or biology…. But can you stump him? Coming to FOX this September.

DATE… MY… PODIATRIST!

Hey America, are you looking for love? And are you also looking for a 45-year-old, once-divorced podiatrist? Dr. Robert “Bob” Collins, is single and ready to mingle! And remember, ladies… he’s a podiatrist!

America’s Next Top Al Pacino Impersonator

Wait a second… is that the real Al Pacino? Nope! It’s just 250 of the nation’s best and brightest Al Pacino impersonators, all battling it out for the title of “America’s Next Top Pacino.” Only one can claim the crown, so don’t miss the season premiere, this Wednesday, only on CBS.

God… Prove It!

Is God real? Celebrity host Michael Chiklis doesn’t think so. And it’s up to you to change his mind. Each week, seven lucky contestants have just 3 minutes to definitively prove the existence of the Divine Creator, and if they can’t… then it’s off to the dunk tank! Sunday nights at 9, only on Bravo.

Horse Dressage With the Stars

Returning for a second season, all of your favorite celebs are ready to make horses dance again! This week, John Slattery teaches a thoroughbred Friesian to dance to “Despacito.” And Jessica Chastain’s Appaloosa takes on Bruno Mars’s “Grenade.” Fridays at 7 on ABC.

Name That Tune (“Sexual Healing” Version)

It’s just like the regular Name That Tune, but in this version, every song the contestants have to guess always ends up being the hit Marvin Gaye song “Sexual Healing.” Fridays at 8:30 ET on TBS.

So You Think You Can Decoupage

So you want to varnish paper with the big boys? Well good luck, chump! Each week, our judges rate the decoupage of some of the world’s finest decoupage masters. Who will get sent home? And who will survive to decoupage in the semi-finals in Milan? Find out this Thursday, only on Bravo.

Have You Seen Trainspotting?

Each week, six contestants have just thirty seconds to prove that they’ve seen the movie Trainspotting. And if they can’t… it’s dunk tank time!

LIKE… MY… SCREENPLAY!

Hey America, do you like my screenplay? Well, if you want to win a cool $250, then you’re gonna have to read it… AND LOVE IT! But seriously. Do you like my screenplay? I can take the criticism. You like it, right? Please tell me you like it. Thursdays at 6 at the Park Slope Starbucks in Brooklyn. Ask for Dan.