Breakfast in Bed – Start the day off right with your Seasonal Affective Disorder’s favorite meal! It loves the leftover Postmates next to your bed that you didn’t put back in the fridge last night, washed down with a sip from each of the five glasses of bathroom tap water on your nightstand.
Exchange Gifts – Your S.A.D. is constantly showering you with gifts, like the crippling fear that summer will never come, an extra 10 pounds, and that flat Diet Squirt you don’t remember buying. So thoughtful! It’s time you got it something in return. You can’t go wrong with flowers that will somehow wilt before you can even buy a vase.
An Elegant Dinner Out – Treat your Valentine to a fancy restaurant just the way it likes: put off making a reservation as long as possible so all restaurants are completely booked! Life with S.A.D. gets overwhelming (in the best way!). Even the THOUGHT of calling a restaurant and talking to another human being? Insane.
A Delicious Home Cooked Meal – There are so many amazing recipes you could make! With an NYT Cooking subscription, the internet is your oyster. You could even make oysters! But it’s freezing outside, and the supermarket is that weird distance between driving and walking. To really impress your S.A.D., four Skinny Cow ice cream bars and your last Kraft Single is the way to go!
Paint Each Other’s Portraits – Say “I love you” to your S.A.D. with a night of stunted creativity. Go to Blick and spend your month’s grocery budget on upscale paint supplies. Before you start, Google “how to draw eyes,” and don’t stop until you’re three hours deep into YouTube tutorials on crosshatching.
Show Off Your Lingerie – Slip into something a little less comfortable. Nothing says “sexy Valentine’s date” like trying on your best lingerie, getting sad that this is the youngest you’ll ever be, taking some pictures to try to cheer yourself up, deleting the pictures, freaking out that someone could hack you and use said pictures to ruin your life, and ending the night ugly-crying in your inside-out period underwear.
Ice Skating – Absolutely not.
Scavenger Hunt – It can be hard to remember what life was like before S.A.D. Take a trip down memory lane and revisit the highlights of your relationship: the grocery store where you first bought those Skinny Cow ice cream bars, the doctor’s office where you made it official, and the Brookstone where you returned your UV lamp in front of your friends and family. For the final stop, don’t forget your favorite place to spend time together: your bed.
Couple’s Bubble Bath – Light some candles, draw a hot bath, and sink into your S.A.D.’s arms. You haven’t felt this held in ages. Stay as long as you can, until you realize it’s February 15th, the water’s bone cold, and you’re shivering, pruned beyond recognition.
Cancel Any of the Above – Pick any of the above, and then just cancel the plans! After all, it’s what you do best together.