Readers let me introduce you to our coldest new flavor at pointsincase. Cold as in his delivery warms up to no one, a wordy mouthful so dense it'll give you brain freeze. You think you're sinking your teeth into a mere comedy treat, but with nuggets of wisdom hidden in swirls of sarcasm, you find that you've bit off more than you can chew.
His name is E. Mike Tuckerson, and although he's not our best-selling flavor, I'm giving him my personal endorsement due to the column he wrote for this Sunday. Keep an eye out.
His writing is the closest I've seen to my definition of “Wet Humor.” (I'd explain what that is, but the truth is I just like the sound of it and haven't fully discovered it for myself… a later blog perhaps.) I've read entire articles by him, emerging out of them in a daze, not sure what just hit me. Often I have to re-read to catch the fast ones he whizzed by me. He has a way with words that buries the joke to the point where you know something was amiss in the last sentence, and you laugh, but can't explain what's funny.
Ass-kissery aside, this week he touched on a subject that I can really relate too. So much so, that I am inspired to create this (So fucking tongue in cheek that you bite it and wince for 5 minutes while asking friends if they can see blood) list:
Rules of the New Masculinity:
1. High Fives… any questions.
2. Eat Stuff. Put it in. Don't complain.
3. Measure your Dick.
4. Sex, lots of it.
5. Hair, lots of it.
6. Fat, don't bother us none, ‘s long as you can still kick ass.
7. Kicking ass, lots of it.
8. Kicking ass, tell us the stories.
9. Alcohol is the new water. Beer is the new saliva.
10. Stories, better be about kicking ass.
11. Pussy, have sex with it.
12. Job, get one.
13. Art, rhymes with fart… I'm waiting for you to fart.
14. Pain, protect the dick bro. Anywhere else, doesn't fucking exist, you hear me?
15. Other guys, impress them. But not too much, gay.