Me: Chip, you’re gonna live in St. Louis until you die. You just have too much invested in the area." />
Me: Chip, you’re gonna live in St. Louis until you die. You just have too much invested in the area.
Chip: I think you strongly underestimate how much I hate this town.
All right, time to get this out of my system. My five least favorite things about St. Louis.
Police Presence
There’s approximately one police officer for every ten citizens in St. Louis County. I mean really, how many cops do you need?
The Women
For the most part (I’d say 75%), the women in St. Louis are snobby gold-diggers. I mean much worse than any town I’ve ever visited.
Where’d you go to High School?
Basically, people from St. Louis, when they first meet, always ask each other what high school they went to. Apparently, by answering this question, you let the asker know a whole bunch about you. You won’t get the audacity of this topic if you aren’t from St. Louis, so I’m gonna break it down in quotes.
From Brother Tom: “I never will never understand that. Who fucking cares? ‘I went to East-South-West-Northern. It's a big fucking building that a bunch of 14-18 year olds go to that sucks no matter what county you happen to live in.’”
From Buddy Peek (after a girl at Game 2 of the Cardinals/Devil Rays’ game asked him what high school he went to): “I moved here to get away from you people.”
From Buddy Kevin: “It’s like these people think they can define me because of some building that I hated walking into. I wish they’d all die.”
Me: A guy who wrote in the comment box in my blog asked me what high school I went to. He went to North.
Peek: Tell him he sucks. No, tell him I told him he sucks. Better yet, don’t tell him anything?
Me: Why not?
Peek: Because he obviously sucks.
The Weather
The weather in St. Louis is unfair and insane. You get damp, cold winters and summers where at least one month is hotter and more humid than it is where I live in Tampa. When I first moved to Tampa, I had a roommate from New Jersey who could not believe how easily I handled the heat. He never believed me when I told him that St. Louis summers were as bad or worse than Tampa’s. That is, until he visited St. Louis once in August. Now, he knows. Oh yeah, Fall and Spring are nice, but they each last approximately four weeks apiece.
Edge City
St. Louis is the biggest offender of Edge City-ism. It’s basically the only metropolis in America that had less of a city population in 2000 than it did in 1900 (source: something I overheard some dude who majored in City Planning say).