Me: People from up north spend half their vacation watching weather reports from home." />
Me: People from up north spend half their vacation watching weather reports from home.
Doug: Because it’s not enough to be having a good time. You gotta be having a better time than everyone you know.
Ben: Or else you have to lie.
Kevin: So, is this where you define yourself through social interaction?
Me: Huh?
Kevin: Is this one of the many places you come to so that you can justify your existence through interaction with other people?
Me: This is a bar that is close to my house. I drink here. Man, you need to get out more.
Kevin: Sheep.
Me: Hermit.
Doug: I don’t know if I should root for the Marlins, anymore, seeing as how they’re having a fire sale. But my Dodgers just hired Grady Little and aren’t looking much better.
Me: Well, you don’t live in Miami or LA anymore, but you do live in Tampa. You could always be a Devil Ray fan. At least the expectations are already really low.
Doug: So, after the Dodgers and Marlins break my heart, I’m out desperate on the rebound for a new team, and there are the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, sitting there like a fat chick alone at the end of the bar. And you’re suggesting I take her home.
Me: Beats no baseball at all. Just don’t tell your friends.
Doug: Just like banging a fat chick.
Random Guy 1: I need to get a chick.
Random Guy 2: You should get one of those Mini-Coopers. Then maybe you could get one of those cool, little hippie chicks.
RG1: Those girls don’t like me.
RG2: No girls like you, but if you had a Mini-Cooper, you could get one of those hippie chicks who like hippie possessions to like you.
RG1: Hippies don’t like possessions.
RG2: Sure they do. They just like hippie possessions like devil sticks, Mini-Coopers and weed.
RG1: Maybe I should just get some weed.
RG2: No. Everyone has that. But how many people have Mini-Coopers?
RG1: I’m not buying a stupid little hippie car. Shut up.
RG2: Fine. Don’t get laid. See if I care.
Me: There could have been like thirty snippets from this week if I could just remember them.
Tom: Why can’t you?
Me: Because I was too busy laughing and having a good time.