Tony: So, are you going camping this weekend?
Tony: So, are you going camping this weekend?
Me: No.
Tony: I’m going camping this weekend.
Me: Sounds fun.
Tony: Why aren’t you going camping?
Me: Are you inviting me camping?
Tony: Do you wanna go camping?
Me: No.
Peek: So Nate finally got a decent TV, huh?
Amy: Yeah, but he went from ten channels on this little, fuzzy TV to like the featured digital cable package on this really big screen. It’s like it’s too much for him. He’s overwhelmed.
Rachel: Did she say she’s too much for Nate?
Leon: No, no. His TV is.
Rachel: Good god, I thought he brought a prostitute into my home.
Me: Maybe next week, Rachel. Maybe next week.
Me: I’m telling you, I think I’m addicted to this television option.
Court: So you’ve got three evil boxes controlling your life, now.
Me: Actually, the TIVO thing hooks into the cable box so I really only have two: the TV and the cable box.
Court: I know. I was counting Amy’s box.
Me: Ouch.
Brad: So yeah, this is Nate. I haven’t seen him since the time we rushed the field at the Louisville game. It was hilarious. Me and my cousin were dodging the cops and hugging the players and shit, and then I see him out of the corner of my eye and I’m like, “Whoa, that’s Nate. Hey Nate, how you doing?” And he’s like, “Brad, where have you been? How’s the new job?” Meanwhile the cops are hitting kids with Tasers and leading people off in cuffs. And we’re fucking reminiscing.
Me: That may have been the highlight of my life, that game.
Brad: Yeah. That was pretty fun.
Me: So anyway, how is the new job?
Brad: I quit it last week.
Emmy: So, are you in a serious relationship?
Me: Why does it have to be serious? Why can’t I be in a funny relationship?
Emmy: What’s a funny relationship?
Me: It’s one where you can make love and party and laugh and have fun.
Emmy: That’s fine. As long as it’s in a serious relationship.
Me: I’ll never understand women.
Court: I can’t believe all those girls wrote such positive feedback on your last column. It’s kind of upsetting because, it’s like, all those girls were saying that they didn’t want the whole metro-sexual kind of guy, but at the same token, it’s like, we changed because they wanted us to. And now they don’t like it. It seems unfair that they’re blaming men for being how they wanted us to be.
Me: You think too much.
Amy: How much does the typical prostitute charge?
Me: I don’t know.
Amy: What’s the best way to find a Tampa prostitute?
Me: I honestly don’t know. Why do you keep asking me about whores?
Amy: I don’t know. It just seems like something that you would know.