Me: What's your favorite beer?
Blake: That's a tough one. I mean, I'm a huge fan of cold beer, but I'm also kind of partial to free beer.
Me: I meant your favorite brand. What's your favorite brand of beer?
Blake: You see, I don't like to pigeonhole myself like that. I'm not the kind of guy who defines himself by the brand of beer I piss.
Me: Okay, you're really over-thinking this. Do you have a favorite type of beer? Like stout or lager?
Blake: Nate, I love beer. All kinds, all shapes, all sizes, all colors and all textures. Leave me alone. It's like you're making me choose a favorite family member or something.
Me: Well, I'm sorry Blake. I apologize.
Me: Yeah, your girlfriend emailed me a snippet from your trip to the drag show.
Court: Hmmm. And she didn't even tell me about that.
Me: Well, she probably figured I'd tell you about it.
Court: Maybe she had an urge. Maybe she was giving in to her primal urges.
Me: Okay, that's bad. I get it. Primal Urges is the name of my column.
Court: Or maybe she decided to start living life The Nate Way.
Me: Dude, please stop putting my column titles in this conversation.
Court: Whatever's Clever.
Me: Dick.
Carl: I can never remember all the rules to soccer.
Royce: Well, it only happens every four years. It's hard to keep in your head.
Joe: Guys, soccer happens every day.
Carl: Not on my TV, it doesn't.
Dick: Take a left there on Buffalo.
Me: You mean Martin Luther King. They haven't called it Buffalo since the sixties.
Dick: Some of us still call it Buffalo.
Me: Dick, you use your white sheets for more than just sleeping in, don't you?
Dick: This conversation is over. Find the place your damn self.
Me: Dick wouldn't give me directions to that chicken place in Seffner.
Spence: Why not?
Me: I called him a racist.
Spence: So what? He is.
Me: Yeah, but I alluded to the idea that he may be in the klan.
Spence: Whadda ya mean, may be?
Me: What are you saying?
Spence: I'm saying you take Buffalo past the fairgrounds going west and then you make your first right. It's down a few miles on the left.
Me: Heil Hitler.
Spence: What?
Me: So my editor went to a drag queen show with his girlfriend.
Kevin: You see, that doesn't surprise me because he's a soccer fan.
Me: What are you saying? All soccer fans are gay or something?
Kevin: Nate, I'm just telling you I'm not surprised. Take from that what you will.
Court: But [the drag queens] are so pretty.
Liz: They're still men, babe.
Court: No snippets.
Liz: I'm telling Nate.
Labels: snippets