Me: What the fuck do you want?
Court: Dude, are you near a computer?
Me: Nope, I am out.
Court: Out, huh?
Me: I am out and about.
Court: So, you didn't hear about what's going on with Points in Case?
Me: No. What happened? Did Ali appear in a porno or was it Simonne?
Court: Dude, it turns out that Chad Chamley plagiarized every piece he ever wrote for Points in Case?
Me: Wait. He's been writing for PIC for a year.
Court: I know.
Me: And he went to the PIC party in Atlanta.
Court: And he brought a friend.
Me: What a fucking loser.
Me: I feel bad for the people he plagiarized. I mean, collectively, the whole group of them weren't even good enough to get a PIC column.
Court: What I don't get is his excuse.
Me: What, did he blame it on terrorism or something?
Court: He said that he was writing a thesis on internet traffic or something.
Me: Yeah, because every college encourages projects that require plagiarism.
Court: In a way, this makes total sense.
Me: What, plagiarism?
Court: No, dude. The PIC party. Remember how we were saying how Mikey and you and me? how we all seemed exactly like our writing? But no one could really get a read on Chamley.
Me: Holy shit. You're right. You see, this is why you should have to sit down with and meet all would-be columnists. And drink with them. That's crucial.
Me: It's weird because Chamley was the one who caught Bunni's plagiarism. I guess it really does take one to know one.
Court: And whoever smelt it dealt it. Wait a minute, Chad was the one who caught Bunni?
Me: Were you honestly so busy thinking up a joke that you didn't even listen to what I said?
Court: Hey now?
Me: Yeah, Chad caught Bunni.
Court: Maybe Chad is Bunni.
Me: I don't know. I used to talk to her on the phone. That would be a pretty elaborate hoax on his part.
Court: I don't know. If he really wanted to get a bullshit A on his bullshit study?
Court: This just makes me question everything. I mean, what if Justin Rebello is nothing more than some collection of stolen columns?
Me: Yeah, like what if he's a three hundred pound, forty year old shut-in who steals writing from some angst-ridden teenager's blog? For that matter, what if all my material is stolen from some AWOL mental patient?
Court: It's not, is it?
Me: So I called Chamley and he told me a bunch of lies. He said he did this on a dare and that it went too far. He said that he and his friends were laughing at it like it was some kind of inside joke.
Court: What bullshit. How can anyone find that to be entertaining? Sitting around and laughing at people reading a blog? That's fucking gay. He was getting off on the attention.
Me: That's what I think, too. Though he does live in Duluth.
Court: So?
Me: It's probably pretty boring there.
Court: I don't care. He can always move.
Court: When I told my girlfriend that he was a plagiarist, she said, ‘wait, didn't he just write a post about his favorite reader feedback?'
Me: You know, I never thought about it like that. What a sad sack of shit. I mean, it's bad enough he has to live in Duluth, but that's no reason to be a thief. The fucking internet is so weird.
Court: You should write that down.
Me: Smartass.
Labels: snippets