Mike: Rich, I'm tired of you always punching my dog.
Rich: I'm tired of your dog being a little bitch.
Mike: Why don't you pick on someone your own size, asshole?
Rich: Dude, I'm gonna beat you like I beat your dog.
Mike: You are fucking dead.
Collin: What'd I miss?
Me: Mike and Rich got in a fight 'cause Rich kept slapping his dog.
Collin: Is that why this plant got turned over and there's mud everywhere?
Me: No. That had more to do with how upset the dog got when Rich put Mike in a chokehold.
Collin: What'd the dog do to Rich?
Me: Bit him in the ass.
Collin: And what were you doing that whole time?
Me: Laughing.
Collin: Fair enough.
Collin: So, where's Rich and Mike?
Me: Mike took Rich to the walk in clinic to get checked out.
Collin: You let those two guys go to the doctor by themselves?
Me: Sure. What's the big deal?
Collin: Dude, we'll be lucky if they don't end up in prison.
Me: Actually, I think it'd be better if they ended up in prison. I mean, this is a nice place here.
Collin: I like the TV.
Me: Well, Mike just called.
Collin: And?
Me: And he and Rich started fighting in the lobby of the clinic, so they arrested them both. Mike wants us to bail him out.
Collin: Cool, I love going to jail?I mean, when I'm not being arrested.
Me: Yeah. That makes all the difference.
Jailer Lady: And who are you here for?
Me: Mike and Rich Lozinski.
Jailer Lady: Ahh, the brothers grim. Do those two ever stop bickering?
Me: No.
Jailer Lady: Uh oh. According to the computer, they have to spend the night.
Me: Why?
Jailer Lady: Bad behavior. Apparently, they've been fighting some more.
Collin: That's it. I'm going to their place and drinking all their beer and eating all their steaks.
Me: I'm totally gonna beat Mike's dog?don't look at me like that. It was a joke.
Jailer Lady: You know, usually jokes are funny.
Me: Everyone's a critic.
Labels: snippets