A while back, I typed to y'all about a little lizard named Tony, one of many (and I do mean “many”) little Florida lizards that live in Tampa. During Game 1 of the World Series, I had to keep my door open so the St. Louis Cardinals would win the game (don't ask) and Lil' Tony moved in.
He's kind of my roommate.
He seems pretty cool. He also seems genuinely interested in every flashing light and electronic device in my place (also, for whatever reason, he likes being around when I take a crap?your guess is as good as mine). Now, I don't know if it's possible for a lizard to warm up to a human, but this one seems to really like me and I'm pretty much cool with any living thing that seems to really like me. So I don't want any harm to come to Tony, which is why I had the following conversation with my landlady:
Me: Those chemicals you guys spray in the apartment every month? do they kill those little lizards that are running around?
Landlady: I'd have to check with Pest Control, but I'm pretty sure they do. At least I've never seen one in my place. Do you have some in yours?
Me: Just one.
Landlady: Just one. Well, umm, are you afraid to kill it or something? I mean, he's just one lizard, right?
Me: No, you don't get it. I like him here. He's welcome.
Landlady: I see.
Me: Yeah, I'm just curious if he'll survive the spray.
Landlady: Let me get you Pest Control's number?
Later, I had the following conversation with Pest Control:
Pest Control Guy: Maintenance.
Me: Wait, I wanted Pest Control.
(I guess) Maintenance Guy: It's all one division.
Me: Oh. Hey, I got a question.
Maintenance/Pest Control Guy: Shoot.
Me: Do your pest sprays kill the lizards in this complex?
MPC Guy: Only the ones that are dumb enough to ingest it. Usually, they hide or go outside during sprays. They track bugs and they can go damn near anywhere. So they're tough to get.
Me: Do you do the spraying?
MPC Guy: Not anymore, thank God. Can't say I liked that job. Why?
Me: Nothing. Have a great Christmas.
MPC Guy: You too.
So there you have it. The complex is spraying next week and Lil' Tony may or may not live.
And I spent five minutes of my life actually worrying about it.
I'm messed up.
By the way, I'm picking Cincy for the game tonight. In case you're keeping track.