Lee: Nate, you seem like a pretty smart guy.
Me: Thanks.
Lee: Let me ask you a question.
Me: Shoot.
Lee: Can you masturbate without visual stimuli?
Carrie: Wow, I totally didn't see that question coming.
Me: That's 'cause you lacked the visual stimuli.
Carrie: Huh?
Me: To answer your question, yes I can. Why do you ask?
Lee: Because I can't. I took this test at my psychiatrist's office and it turns out that I am a very visually oriented human, almost to the point where I have like no imagination.
Me: And this bothers you?
Lee: Not really. I just feel like I'm? I don't know, stupid or something.
Me: Because you need porn to masturbate, you think you're stupid?
Lee: Well I mean, I feel stupid.
Me: Is that why you're seeing a shrink?
Lee: No, that's court ordered.
Me: Gotcha.
Customer: How much for this shirt?
Lilly: What's the tag say?
Customer: Machine wash only.
Me: I mean, imagination isn't necessarily an indication of stupidity.
Lee: But didn't Einstein say that imagination was more important than education?
Me: Where'd you hear that?
Lee: It's on a poster in my psychiatrist's office.
Me: Posters don't know everything.
Customer: Do you sell flip flops?
Lilly: Yup. They're right over there.
Customer: Oh, I don't want any. I was just curious.
Lilly: Did you want to know for future reference?
Customer: No. I'm from Ohio.
Lilly: Can I help you find anything, then?
Customer: Do you know where the bus station is?
Lee: I don't know. I'm uneducated?barely finished high school. I have very little imagination and I hate reading.
Me: What kind of stuff do you like to think about?
Lee: Cars.
Me: Cars are cool.
Lee: And motorcycles.
Me: Also cool.
Lee: What do you think that means?
Me: That you like cars and motorcycles.
Lee: Thanks, Doctor.
Me: That'll be fifty bucks.
Labels: snippets