Kevin: Do you think it's bigotry to hate gay people?
Ryan: I guess. I mean, it's pretty much bigotry to hate any group of people you haven't met.
Kevin: So, I can still hate a gay person, I just have to know him.
Ryan: Yeah. And you can't hate him for being gay. It has to be like for some other reason?
Kevin: Like the fact that he's fucking my gay brother?
Ryan: Umm? I don't know if that's exactly right.
Kevin: Why not?
Ryan: Because, I mean, that's what gay people do.
Kevin: What? Fuck each other?
Ryan: Yeah.
Kevin: Can I hate him because he dresses like a queer?
Ryan: Sure. I mean, what do I care?
Kevin: Do you think it's bigotry to hate gay people?
Dale: Sure.
Kevin: Do you hate gay people?
Dale: No.
Kevin: Why not?
Dale: More for me and all that.
Kevin: That's cool, I guess.
Dale: Is this about Tim Hardaway?
Kevin: And my gay brother.
Dale: You have a gay brother?
Kevin: Well, technically he's been disowned, but he is my brother by blood. I wonder if because he was disowned, he's no longer my brother?
Dale: He ain't faggy, he's my brother.
Kevin: Huh?
Me: Dale's talking about the old “He ain't heavy, he's my brother” routine. About how you may hate fat people, but if your brother's fat, you overlook that and love him anyway.
Kevin: So the same thing applies to ass pirates?
Me: Arrgh.
Kevin: Hey, do you think you can say “arrgh” like a queer?
Me: I don't know. I've never tried.
Melody: What are you two doing?
Kevin: We're trying to sound like gay pirates.
Melody: Why?
Me: Because Tim Hardaway hates gay people.
Kevin: And because I have a gay brother.
Melody: You two are fucking strange.
Kevin: Actually, I think it's my brother who fucks strange.
Me: I don't know about that. I like some strange as much as the next man.
Melody: I'm leaving now.
Kevin: Arrgh!
Me: It just didn't sound queer enough.
Kevin: Being an ass pirate ain't easy.
Labels: snippets