Me: Should I take Sinclair Hills or Bearss?
Tim: Six of one, six of the other.
Me: You mean six of one, a half dozen of the other.
Tim: Yeah. That's the same thing.
Me: Yeah, but that's not what the saying means. You see, Sinclair Hills and Bearss are different roads and taking them yields essentially the same result so?
Tim: Shut up. No one cares.
Me: Fuck you, man. You just don't understand your cliche's.
Tim: Fine, how about this? Six of one, twelve halves of another.
Me: I don't like talking to you.
Tim: Ditto.
Kevin: So what's the deal with Points in Case? It's been down for a week. Is this website run by some drunk in a one-bedroom apartment or what?
Me: Umm? yeah, actually.
Court: So I had to sell my car 'cause it broke down, but that's cool, 'cause living in Atlanta, I don't really need a car.
Me: Where are you calling me from?
Court: My girlfriend's car.
Me: You don't see a problem with this?
Court: With what?
Me: Forget it.
Me: I can't believe that fucker towed my car.
Craig: You're lucky he stopped. You could have had to drive to the impound.
Me: How the fuck am I lucky? I'm out a hundred and twenty bucks.
Craig: But you didn't have to go to the impound.
Alyssa: And you have a cute face.
Me: Thanks and all, Lyss, but what does that have to do with anything?
Alyssa: It's one of the ways you're lucky.
Craig: For real. I'd pay a hundred and twenty bones to make Alyssa think I'm cute.
Alyssa: What we're trying to say here is, Nate, quit your bitching.
Me: You know what I like about you guys?
Craig: What?
Me: Nothing.
Me: Chase, where have you been? I ain't seen you in months.
Chase: It's a long story.
Me: And?
Chase: It's complicated.
Me: And?
Chase: And I don't feel like telling you it.
Me: Gotcha.
Me: Hey Ash, can I get a Strongbow?
Ashley: Sure thing, baby.
Random Chick: That's unfair, I've been waiting here for fifteen minutes and you just walk in and get served. That's not right.
Me: It's capitalism.
Random Chick: What?
Me: It's capitalism. You know, the reason that the US gets oil cheaper than Europe is because we use a lot more of it. I drink way more beer here than you do, so I get served quicker. It's the American way. Don't feel bad.
Random Chick: Are you a republican or something?
Labels: snippets