Me: I think I'm gonna change my name to Juan Mendez just to see what happens to the junk mail I get.
Brian: Excuse me?
Me: I want to be targeted by Hispanic advertisers just for the fun of it.
Brian: That has to be one of the stupidest things I have ever heard of.
Me: And yet I'll bet, if I did it, I could sell my story to TV.
Brian: Further proof of how stupid that idea is.
Me: How long do you think it would take me to learn Spanish?
Brian: Depends on how hard you work at it. And you, well, you don't work very hard.
Me: So what do you think, seven or eight months?
Brian: If you learned it in six years I'd be impressed.
Me: You know, it is an absolute joy working with you.
Brian: Yeah well, that makes one of us.
Brian: Hey, Nathan.
Me: I do not answer to that Anglo name. Dammit. My name is Juan Mendez.
Brian: Yeah. Umm, Juan, your three o clock appointment is here.
Me: They didn't hear that, did they?
Me: If I had a Hispanic name and wasn't Hispanic? well, that'd be funny, wouldn't it?
Pat: Why would you want a Hispanic name?
Me: Just to see how people would react to me, how I would be marketed and all that.
Pat: So, just to get a bunch of Spanish shit in the mail and watch your appointments react in surprise to see a white man with a Hispanic name, you would legally change your name?
Me: Yeah.
Pat: I'm calling bullshit, Nate.
Me: My name is Juan Mendez.
Emily: Hey, Nate. How's it going.
Me: My name is Juan Mendez.
Emily: I love coming to work here. I mean, you just never know what people will say. Nate, why are you Juan Mendez?
Pat: He's legally changing his name in an effort to diversify his junk mail.
Emily: Wow. And it's not even seven o clock yet. I think I'm gonna go serve some customers. Talk to you later, Juan.
Me: Si.
Jose: What's up, Nate?
Me: Juan.
Jose: No man, it's Jose.
Me: No, I know your name. I'm saying that my new name is Juan Mendez.
Jose: Why would you change your name to Juan Mendez?
Me: I want to see what it would be like to be marketed as a Hispanic.
Jose: I'm deciding if I should punch you or not.
Labels: snippets