James: You reading a book?
Me: [silence]James: Hey Nate, what the fuck you doing, man?
Me: Reading a book.
James: Why?
Me: [silence]James: Nate dude, what's your problem?
Me: I'm trying to read this book.
James: Why?
Me: Because I'm enjoying it.
James: That's fucking weird.
Steve: I fucking hate bill collectors.
Me: No one likes 'em.
Steve: They're just so damn indignant.
Me: Yeah. It's like you owe them money or something.
Steve: Fuck off.
Steve: I suppose you pay all your bills on time?
Me: Lately.
Steve: Well man, it's a little harder for me. I have a five hundred dollar a month car payment. You drive a piece of shit. If you can afford it, why don't you get a nice car?
Me: The day I pay that much for an automobile is the day I can't get laid by a hot chick without it.
Steve: You're a real asshole, you know that?
Me: Seems to be the consensus.
Me: Hello.
Rick: Hey Nate, what you doing?
Me: Watching the All Star Game.
Rick: The baseball one?
Me: I'm hanging up now.
Hank: You left without paying your tab.
Me: It was too crowded.
Hank: So when you gonna pay it?
Me: When it ain't so crowded? Tomorrow or the next day or some when.
Hank: Some when?
Me: Yeah, it's like somewhere except in time.
Hank: Whatever, dude. You just made that up.
Hank: And no one has a problem with you just walking out on your tab?
Me: You mean, besides you?
Hank: I used to bartend. I know how it is.
Me: I have the bartender's phone number. Trust me, she'll get her cash.
Hank: Wait, you got her phone number?
Me: With listening skills like that, you should be a shrink.
James: So what's the name of that book?
Me: A Rip in Heaven.
James: Any good?
Me: Yeah.
James: What's it about?
Me: A double murder from a few years ago in St. Louis.
James: Is it a true story?
Me: Yup.
James: Okay. Well, that's cool then.
Me: I'm gonna change seats now.
James: Fine by me. I didn't want to talk to you anyway.
Labels: snippets