Guy 1: You got a fucking problem?
Guy 2: Yeah. Herpes. You?
Guy 1: Fuck man, that sucks.
Guy 2: You're telling me.
Dave: Weren't you guys about to fight?
Guy 1: Yeah, he pissed me off but man? He's got herpes. I mean, I can't fight him.
Dave: It's not like a flu. He can't give it to you.
Guy 1: You got a fucking problem?
Dave: Yeah, gonorrhea.
Guy 1: Do any of you guys use condoms?
Don: I have decided to open a restaurant.
Me: You're buying a restaurant.
Don: Nope. Just opening one. Gotta start small.
Me: That? that don't make no sense.
Don: Neither does mandarin. But people still speak it.
Me: You pay attention to the primary?
Dave: The primary what?
Me: The New Hampshire primary?
Dave: New Hampshire's primary what?
Me: Do you vote?
Dave: Only for American Idol.
Me: You're what's wrong with this country.
Dave: Yeah, well that's an ugly shirt.
Sean: How'd the interview go?
Me: Great. I got the interview.
Sean: Huh?
Me: It's some corporate thing. Basically, I was interviewing for a chance to get an interview for a different position.
Sean: Okay then. Uhh? well almost congratulations to you then.
Me: Almost thanks, dude.
Sean: Whatever.
Danielle: You didn't post yesterday.
Me: I was busy.
Danielle: You're never too busy to post. You were drunk.
Me: I am capable of being both drunk and busy. It's what separates me from the pack.
Danielle: It ain't the only thing.
Me: You're getting fat, Mark.
Mark: I know.
Me: What you gonna do about that?
Mark: Buy bigger clothes.
Me: You're lazy, you know that?
Mark: Of course I know that. I'm the one who's lazy. Dumbass.
Me: Lardass.
Labels: snippets