Lila: You're drunk.
Me: How can you tell?
Kris: She's met you before.
Lila: I can tell when you're drunk by your eyes.
Kris: I can tell when you're drunk by your presence.
Me: Kris, you're not helping.
Me: Do you think Falls Liquor will have ice?
Lila: I'm sure they will. They're a liquor store.
Me: Well, as long as you're sure.
Me: Do you have bags of ice?
Mike the Liquor Store Guy: Of course we do, Nate. This is a fucking liquor store you dumbass.
Me: That's what Lila said. Only without all the profanity.
Mike: Have a great fucking day you fuck.
Me: Thanks Mike.
Me: Do you think I cuss too much?
Rip: For who?
Me: Does it matter?
Rip: Of course it matters. You cuss way too much for children and women, but not too much for sailors and construction workers.
Me: There's a lot in between there.
Rip: Yeah, well take the rest of it on a case by case basis, fucker.
Me: Fuck you.
Kev: Why isn't your column up yet?
Me: Court's driving back from Huntsville right now.
Kev: So my ability to be entertained by a website is hindered by some punk's travel plans?
Me: Pretty much.
Kev: That sucks.
Me: The internet, she's a strange place.
Me: Check out this email I got. I've never gotten such an interesting piece of fan mail before.
Lila [reading]:
“Hello Nate this is Steven here from Mumbai, India. I have been reading
pic and your stuff for the last 5-6 months and think its finally time
to let you that i like reading ur shit. It would have easier to post a
comment in one of ur blogs but i have till date read pic only on my
cell phone using a wap connection and for some stupid reason i cant
post a comment using my cell phone. But i can send email though using my phone and its a bitch to text all this in. I first stumbled upon pic on one boring train journey to college when i was googling “how to get
laid”(its though to get laid in India) and ended up reading ur i guess
famous column on why u get laid and i don't. Since then I've read most
of ur columns and a lot of ur blogs and it provides me some good
entertainment on a 1 hour train trip to college. I like when u write
about sex and how to deal with women(or at least used to write about
all that)coz it just seems like something ur really good at. Surprising
as it may sound one of my favourites is the investment coroner. It's
the only economy based column I've read which doesn't take much effort to read. All the stuff in the papers make me wanna cry for some
reason. Its good for me to know about America's economy coz it pretty
much decides what's the mood here in India. Although I don't invest
yet(no money) i plan to start next year. I also like ur other writings
where u give out random advice. If ur wondering what its like for a 19
year old middle class guy growing up in India well its sucks. But on
the bright side the weed here is cheap. It comes up to 1 dollar for
about 6 joints worth of stuff. If there ever is a future commodities
for weed I'll be there coz it was cheaper earlier. Do you still smoke
up? And please let me know the price of weed if u reply, I'm just kinda
curious. I also remember reading a few of ur blogs about a book u were
writing. What happened? Just to let u know if u do write a book and if
it is there illegally on the net i wud totally download and read it 4
free. that's all my textin thumbs are getin numb.”
Lila: That guy must spend a lot of time bored on that train.
Me: Thanks, Honey.
Lila: No problem, Baby.
Labels: snippets