Mark: Hey Nate, have you ever had anyone give you a handjob with their feet before?
Me: You mean a foot job?
Mark: Yeah.
Me: Like when a chick uses her feet to jerk you off?
Mark: Yeah.
Me: No. Why do you ask?
Mark: Just seems like something you'd have experienced.
Me: How so?
Mark: Well, it's kind of fucked up.
Scotty: And you're kind of fucked up.
Main: Really fucked up.
Mark: So you know… I just kind of figured.
Me: Fuck you.
Scotty: With or without socks?
Scotty: You know what's funny?
Me: Midgets.
Mark: Car accidents.
Steve: Dead clowns.
Scotty: All right, let me rephrase. The funniest thing happened to me the other day…
Me: You killed a midget clown in a car accident?
Scotty: I fucking hate you guys.
Me: If Davidson wins this game, I'll take off all my clothes and dance on the bar.
Steve: I changed my mind. Go Kansas.
Dave: I'm getting tired of radio DJ wars.
Me: I'm getting tired of wars.
Dirk: Oh yeah, well I'm tired of DJs.
Me: Uhh… okay.
Scotty: If I were a midget clown, I'd probably drink a lot.
Me: You do drink a lot.
Scotty: I'd drink a lot more.
Me: No you wouldn't.
Scotty: Why not?
Me: You'd be like, a hundred pounds lighter at least.
Scotty: Oh yeah… Science. I didn't know you knew anything about that.
Me: Occasionally I get lucky.
Scotty: Now that explains the girlfriend.
Me: I know you're mad at me.
Lila: What tipped you off?
Me: I think it was when you told me not to question you and to shut my mouth.
Lila: You are a quick one.
Me: I'm outta here, fellas?
Scotty: Where the fuck you going?
Me: To get a foot job.
Mark: Yeah, let me know what that's like. I've heard a lot about them but I don't know if I want to try it, you know?
Me, Scotty and Steve: [staring blankly in disbelief]Mark: What? It could be interesting.
Me: So could HIV, but I ain't lining up for that.
Mark: I don't think you can get that from a foot job.
Me: God, I hope you're right.
Labels: snippets