Jake: What do you think about this Jeremiah Wright business?
Me: I think I'm surprised you're following politics.
Jake: I got a girlfriend.
Me: I once ate a ninety ounce steak?what the hell are we talking about anyway?
Jake: My girl's into politics so I have to act like I am.
Me: Why do you have to act like you're something you're not?
Jake: Because, quite frankly my young paduan, she is out of my league.
Me: Fair enough.
Jake: So anyway, my girl'll be here in a little bit. You got any viewpoints for me.
Me: Sure, I guess. Turn your brain on and try to keep all this in, okay?
Jake [moves beer away from hands]: I'm ready.
Me: That's how you get ready to think? You move away the beer?
Jake: We all have our methods, man. Even Method Man.
Me: That was bad.
Me: Okay, so from a political standpoint this is bad for Obama because his incredibly polarizing and aged pastor has a tendency to believe that any attack on him is an attack on all black people and smart black people (smart people in general, actually) respect their individualism and don't like being lumped into a group based on one simple similarity. By representing all black people as being tied into his extremism, Wright is taking some black votes from Obama while simultaneously scaring away the white vote. Of course, lost in all of this is whether or not he'd make the best president or whether we just want to hurry up and elect a black president. You still with me?
Jake: No.
Me: Which word didn't you understand?
Jake: I think you lost me at polarizing.
Me: Okay, try this on for size: The central issue surrounding Wright is whether or not Obama's pastor is representative of Obama's thought process.
Jake: Is he?
Me: I doubt it.
Jake: But you don't know?
Me: Of course I don't know. I've never met Obama.
Jake: But that's the confusing part, right? That's an issue my girl and I can debate for hours and not get anywhere?
Me: Absolutely.
Jake: So I can bullshit it and still look smart?
Me: Sure.
Jake: Good, 'cause here she comes.
Anna: Hey Jake, I didn't know you knew Nate. Hi, Nate.
Jake: Do I want to know how you two know each other?
Me: I'm leaving.
Anna: Oh come on, we're all adults here.
Me: Bye.
Anna: Chicken.
Jake: So I have to know dude, did you have sex with my girlfriend?
Me: Maybe a few years ago.
Jake: Maybe a few years ago or definitely a few years ago?
Me: I don't want to talk about this.
Jake: Yeah, well I don't want to see your smug ass face when I fuck my girl.
Me: Try doggy style.
Jake: I fucking hate you.
Labels: snippets