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The office toilet backing up is probably not the best use of The Dark Knight's time.
And his use of my signature catchphrase, “Smell you forever because you stink that bad.” I knew I should have had that copyrighted.
It’s been 34 minutes since my last message, and you haven’t jumped on the chance to implement BRAINDRAIN to help your organization.
I no longer wish to ride an aging plow horse. And yet, when I ride to the horse dealer and request a sleek, red mustang, I am met with ridicule.
If spotted, DO NOT CHASE. Instead, acknowledge his beauty, respectfully. Obviously all dogs are beautiful, but he’s a stunner.
Instead of opening and deleting messages as he received them, User #119182 has kept every email he has received since creating his account in 2009.
Wired: Earwigs. Bugs, but heavy metal and down to party. With those pincers you know they’re into some dark shit.
I’m really excited to get to know you better! Where do you live? What are your hobbies? What are you eating right now?
My shadow grows long on the playa, striking fear into the hearts of those who dare utter “Missy Elliot is kinda mid.”
Good news—lantern stuff is done. Borrowed John’s (as in Larkin's) geriatric horse and am headed to Concord now.
Our official recommendation is to stop using your brain immediately. Please take care to dispose of it safely.
James Davis (’20) is the founder and chief creative officer of a conspiracy theory about the Slinky.