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After my performance last Saturday, I cannot in good conscience accept this participation ribbon.
The nine-to-five can be a grind, so if I’m not attempting to boost morale by blaring high-pitched ditties at every opportunity, then what use am I?
Our panopticon toilet utilizes ruthless social engineering to give you the most intimate experience with your partner.
I know you're the lone survivor, but that makes it all the more insulting.
And you know what? What if this was the zoo? Would that be so bad? You would still stay here if the price was right.
At what point did you realize the graphic I was drawing bore a loose resemblance to male genitalia? Please complete the following sentence: "After I drew _____."
I’ve been going in there (dark places in my mind) and destroying it (crying)! I take no prisoners (except myself)!
“Compromising Information” refers primarily to the eggnog-induced confessions that occurred around the fire pit on Christmas Eve.
Dear Megatron, I’ve been earning money from my paper route to buy smoke detectors so I can stockpile the radioactive americium.
Master: The unread text sits. Is it full or empty? Student: It is full of potential, yet empty of response.
Canyons, however, are terrible. They’re like backwards mountains, but long. There’s nothing grand about that.
Minimizing: Well, at least saying you’ve “still got it” isn’t vulgar or threatening.