Got a haircut and started showering every day. And I’m pretty sure he got my Michael Scott tattoo removed, but he won’t let me see.
Soon, I’ll have to decide which to marry. For now, we do a lot of courtship. One of them might stare at me, and I stare back.
I’m going to call for an exorcist soon, and it just won’t do for her to be in her typical house-wear of leggings and a cozy sweater when he arrives.
She rolls into my office like one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11. You know the ones, plastic-y but intriguing.
The Gingerbread House from Hansel and Gretel: Start a new magical chapter in your storybook with this enchanted cottage built entirely out of candy!
No, of course not. It's no big deal. This happens to everyone. Right? Everyone has little involuntary muscle spasms sometimes.
Lower back pain that sets in after approximately half an hour of immobility.
In relationships I’m like a tech entrepreneur: fail fast and fail forward (into my spaghetti).
Love is something you’re in, like tall boxes you can’t jump high enough to see over the edge of, or escape from, or scream loud enough for someone to hear you and cut a hole in to rescue you.
My therapist diagnosed me with narcissistic personality disorder. That must have been the highlight of her week.
She rolls into my office like one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11. You know the ones, plastic-y but intriguing.
No, of course not. It's no big deal. This happens to everyone. Right? Everyone has little involuntary muscle spasms sometimes.
Lower back pain that sets in after approximately half an hour of immobility.
So where are you holding the wedding? Is it going to be in the sewers of Chicago?
