Mastercard Bipolar Interactive Phone Network: Beta Version
Press 10 to talk to a Customer Service Representative. This is never going to happen, of course, but we all have dreams.
Tag: Corporate
10 Failed Attempts by Johnson & Johnson to Rebrand Its Baby Shampoo Post-Opioid Trial
Your child will no longer feel any pain. In their eyes, when this hits their eyes, we mean. We make no claims on any other pain.
Remember, Oh Co-Eds, the College Campus Landscapers
They were the ones tasked with Edward Scissorhanding the bushes on the hill that greeted you.
Shareholder Value Isn’t Everything, PR Strategy is Important Too
Henry Ford observed that it’s not enough to build a good car, you also need to give your workers a token pay raise to generate some good press.
10 Steps to Having the Perfect Conference Call
Reintroduce every person to ensure there are no people "ghosts" on the call. Remember that there will, however, be actual "ghosts" on the call.
Don’t Come to America Until You’ve Already Achieved the American Dream
I hear what you’re saying: this really clashes with the overall narrative we’ve built up in the past century.
Lil Math, the Highest Selling Algorithm in Gangsta Rap, Rants About the Music Industry
I always knew I was meant for something greater, something I can truly touch people with, and get as much cash and booty in the process as possible.
3 Ways to Die with Dignity While Choking on an Old Band-Aid in a Victoria’s Secret
If you’ve timed it right, you will be dead before you hit the floor. Your death will look like that of a hero defending the store from a shoplifter.
The Beachball at a Corporate Sales Event Experiences Ennui
I was a philosophy major. I can’t say my studies haven’t served me well in my current line of work as the beachball tossed at corporate sales events.
Dear Employees: Please Fill Out Fortune’s “Best Companies to Work For in 2019” Survey, or You Will Be Tossed Into the Fiery Lava Pit
The new Boiling Lava Pit contains molten volcanic lava from the island of Heimaey, because here at DigiTech --- Authenticity Matters ©.
Introducing the Apple Car
That hood and the entire car frame is made out of Gorilla Glass, the material you smudge every day and crack every other week on your iPhone screen.
Slack Thread About Betsy Ross’ New Flag Design
>Were all of the stakeholders of our young nation truly involved in the process for developing this? >What if the stars were blue on a white background? >>>>Stars aren’t blue. C’mon, be real! >>>>They should be silver, then.