Corporate | Page 16 | Points in Case

Tag: Corporate

Water, harvested from the tears of children whose daddies didn't mean to yell, but dammit it's been a long week, and he's told you three times now.

You're probably wondering, what sort of management skills does this guy have to run Tesla? Rest assured, I'm just like you: all over the place.

Let me just grab an eraser for a quick correction: “pariah” is not how you spell “accountable.”

I hope I don't have to use the revolver, but this is Costco—godless territory where wild men purchase two-gallon tins of popcorn on any given day.

For the Improviser: If you’re looking to give a gift that lasts, offer them $450 to never improvise again.

“FIFTY PERCENT OFF ALL CDS” the dusty words said, in a manic scrawl. “EVERYTHING MUST GO!” Frankie backed away in horror. What was a CD?!

Every year there’s an escalation of more and more extreme Purge spectacles. And honest, hard-working citizens just can’t keep up.

And is it our fault the Giant Fire-Breathing Chicken-Killing Ray Gun didn’t work at all, and only made the giant chicken more powerful than ever?

Section 3: Foreplay: All types of textual foreplay is permitted, such as feeling really guilty when asking for feedback on their TV pilot.

You assume liability for certain risks including overcooked steak, delusions of grandeur, eerily dwindling base support, and airborne spray tan.

Um, I don't know why anyone but Tim Cook is still reading this, but you should probably bottle up your excitement...

Yes, I sold ad space at the end of that paragraph. Yes, I know that the end of the first paragraph is traditionally where the humorous premise goes.