Yes, I Work for Satan, But It’s Just a Job
Have you ever seen "The Wolf of Wall Street?" It’s like that, except Jonah Hill isn’t the only one eating 5,000 calories for lunch every day.
Tag: Corporate
Introducing Jack Daniel’s Hotspots
Developed in our top-secret lab deep in the bedrock below our cave spring, each and every Jack Drone is crafted to exacting standards.
Found Crystals for the Financially Insolvent
Often referred to as a gateway totem, Shattered Window Shard is one of the easiest crystals to find or create.
No More Snacks During Weekly Snacks Sales Review Meetings
We are thankful for your hard work and creativity. Your work is as yummy, crunchy, and delicious---just like our chips!
Introducing Rise™, the New Season by Starbucks
From our flagship hot beverage, Fiery Wrath Cappuccino™, to our new hellfire-baked goods, there’s something for everyone and everything and everytime!
How to Survive Summer 2018
If you’re tempted to see parallels between "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom" and your country, limit it to the fact that Chris Pratt exists in both.
Minutes from a Board Meeting at the Keychain Factory
Board member Nelson suggested using melted metal from other vats to fill in the cracks of cracked vats. McQueen responded “That’s not how that works."
The Side Effects of Mytozarphaul
Impulsive purchases of garden gnomes. Contact your doctor immediately if you accumulate more than fifty, especially if where you live is very small.
Translations of Emails from Management
Employees who disregard this mandate are urged to take oral infusions of methylxanthine before arriving at the workplace. (Drink coffee)
The Streaming Services Order Brunch
Netflix: I’ve changed my order. I want what Hulu’s having, and I want it delivered first.
Things We Learn About Han Solo in “Solo: A Star Wars Story”
Once, he drove the Millennium Falcon to McDonald’s, Google Maps said “Bon appetit!” and Han thought it was making fun of him so now he only uses Waze.
Assembly Instructions for a Bullshit Thing You Didn’t Need Anyway
Do not assemble in a wet location. Do not assemble at altitudes lower than two thousand (2000) miles below sea level. Do not assemble in a sea.