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Tag: Corporate
How to Seduce Flo from Progressive Insurance, In Your Imagination
As a male, I am biologically obligated to mentally have sex with Flo from Progressive. How would it go? What would it be like in those starchy white pants?
13 No Shit Tips for Nailing a Job Interview
Instead of lifting a middle finger to the lucky job-getters, we should work harder to avoid silly mistakes that land us in a heap of self-pity Cheeto dust.
Brutally Honest Marketing Copy for 13 Companies You Love to Hate
Uber not only allows you to pay top dollar to be kidnapped by a serial rapist, but automatically includes a 20% gratuity for having your dignity stripped!
5 Things You Didn’t Know About the Legal Weed Market in Colorado
Before you pack up your Phish CDs and attempt to grow out your ridiculous white person dreadlocks to move to Colorado for legal marijuana, heed this advice.
My First Time Shoplifting
I once finished out the second half of a soccer tournament in a stolen thong from Target. I'd never stolen anything in my life—anything with a price tag, that is.
5 MORE Ways to Get Fired from Your Teaching Job
To inspire all of you teachers out there who are on the verge of screaming at your students, punching your administrators in the face, and/or committing suicide.
The Indentured Student Loan
What I am proposing is a student loan program that will allow poor young people to go to university and be useful to society: I call it the Indentured Student Loan.
4 Businesses That Would Make Millions if Combined
Although the "2fer" business model has been implemented many times in the past, I believe that it has come nowhere near achieving its true potential. Here are the most lucrative possibilities.
iSorry, But Steve Jobs was a Dick
What Steve Jobs did was create an army of narcissistic, self-centered, self-absorbed, zombie clones by sucking their very souls into his world like Shang Tsung.
How to Find Someone Who’s Not on Facebook
The following is a simple tutorial on how to reconnect with old acquaintances who refuse to participate in our era of rapid digital communication and constant connectivity.
A Modest Wall Street Proposal
How can the markets recover with its hands tied behind its back? The only solution anyone with common sense could come to is to deregulate Wall Street. COMPLETELY.