Why I, D-List Hollywood Actor, Should Be the Keynote Speaker for Your Tech Conference
Instead of giving your employees bonuses, wouldn't it be better to hire me to list off my Wikipedia page for an hour?
Tag: Corporate
I Fully Intend to Boycott Amazon Just as Soon as I Buy This Thing for My Newborn
I’m gonna order the Chomperoo 3-in-1 Soother Chewer through the Amazon app real quick and then Jeffrey “watch me burn money as literal rocket fuel” Bezos can take a hike!
In the Metaverse, You Can Do Anything! Except Stop Being Depressed
Changing what you look like on the outside won’t change how you feel on the inside, but it’s still a ton of fun to adjust your avatar’s clothes.
Would You Like to Make a Charitable Donation to Our Payroll Fund?
Here in Human Resources, we are consistently e-applauding each and every one of our hard-working, self-sacrificing rockstars.
Translation Guide for Our Company’s Return Policy
"Print out a prepaid shipping label." We’re aware there’s no logical reason for a partly-employed 24-year-old to have a printer.
The Marketing Pitch for Pears
Pears have all the qualities you love in an apple, but with a fresh, edgy, devil-may-care attitude.
I’ve Personally Committed to Becoming 100% Carbon Neutral by 2075
We're lucky to have such great brands to remind us that individuals could be doing more to save the planet from the brink of ecological collapse.
Approaching Being Buried Alive with a Business Mindset
When a tortuous, claustrophobic death rears its ugly head, winners HUSTLE HARDER.
HR’s Response to the Always Be Closing Speech from “Glengarry Glen Ross”
Always Be Conscious of your employee’s emotional state before saying anything that might be construed as offensive or unnecessarily ruthless.
Reasons I Give My Wife That Being a Desk Jockey Is Just like the Cowboy She’d Prefer
Like a lonesome cowboy with a leather-wrapped journal, I will compose many a silent email, detailing my woes on the Outlook trail.
It’s Your First Day at Target, Any Questions Can Be Answered by the Giant Red Orbs Out Front
The customer is always right, unless they contradict an utterance bequeathed by the orbs.
A LinkedIn Account of the Most Painful Breakup of My Life
But if we were to bring about authentic disruption and long-lasting change, we needed to diversify our core team.