2010 Can Suck It
I'm not excited about 2010 at all; in fact, I’m rather disappointed with the progress of the human race in general. Still no flying cars? Really?
Tag: A Loon with a View
The Day Jesus Apparently Became a Pagan
A friendly game of Christmas questions at the church turns into an all-out war to win candy canes at any expense: even at the expense of Jesus himself.
Fuck The Little Drummer Boy, Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum
If you really listen to The Little Drummer Boy song carefully, it's merely about a poor kid playing a drum for baby Jesus, pa rum pum pum pum.
Top Ten Reasons to Panic About Putin
I'm going to admit this at my own risk: I am highly disturbed by Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin's bizarre acts of trying to prove his manliness.
You’re Not Just Paying for Lip Service
To get all offended that an artist lip syncs on stage is no different than walking out on David Copperfield because he isn't ACTUALLY magical.
Ladies, Stop Cutting Your Hair!
Ladies, I'm here to tell you one of a man's innermost secret thoughts whenever we see that you got your hair cut: we wish you didn't.
Top Ten Places Sex is Overrated, Part 2
Ten super sultry places that in your mind seem to be sizzling and amazing places to have sex, but in reality aren't all you built them up to be.
Top Ten Places Sex is Overrated
Ten super sultry places that in your mind seem to be sizzling and amazing places to have sex, but in reality aren't all you built them up to be.
Splitting the Check Makes Me Want to Split Your Skull
There is nothing more awkward than those minutes of complete horseshit after the bill arrives at a group dinner.
Cure for the Bible Bump
The doctor x-rayed my wrist and told me that it healed perfectly. Only problem was, I had a stubborn Ganglion Cyst to get rid of.
Do You Want to be My Personal Penguin?
I'm officially holding interviews for a personal penguin. Your job is to dress up as a penguin and follow me around to parties and social gatherings.
There’s Something About Mary Hair Gel Debacle of 1998
For a decade my grandmother scoured the planet trying to find more There's Something About Mary Hair Gel because 'it worked really well' for her.