Hello and Welcome Aboard This Flight on America’s One Remaining Airline!
Today we’re flying a Communal Brain Space 1000. And through a partnership with Amazon, this aircraft runs 100% on recycled human suffering.
Tag: Airplanes
Don’t Get on That Plane, Despite That Clearly Being the Right Choice
I know my family can be hard to deal with. I can't cook, don't understand how to clean, and refuse to take out the trash for religious reasons.
Ignatius J. Reilly: The Later Rants
Nixon Resignation (1974): Oh, Fortuna, the revolutions of your wheel pile even the masters into the muck.
Old-Fashioned Ways to Meet Someone, for the Modern Day
Using the Instagram photos you got at the wedding, pick your poison: "does improv," "romantic photos with sibling," or "talks a lot about sneakers."
My Grandpa’s Cookie Recipe That Serves as Evidence He Was D.B. Cooper
Slowly add in the dry mixture until combined. The batter should be rough as the terrain near the Washougal River Basin in Washington state.
A Few Quick Announcements from the Flight Crew Here at Budjet, America’s Number One Most Affordable Airline
Your bags are important to you, but they're unpaying dead cargo to us and we are proud to be the only airline that has outlawed luggage on our fleet!
Delta Is Excited to Announce New Seat Classes Below “Basic Economy”
Fundamental Economy Lite: During pre-boarding, passengers may not sit at the gate and must instead loiter at the nearest Hudson News outlet.
My Mid-Flight Roast of Our Pilot Was Ruined When the Air Marshal Heckled Me
When the captain misspoke and said “tur-buh-lence,” instead of “turbulence,” I was like a shark smelling blood in the water.
TSA Guidelines for National Clown Week
Provide your real name. Slappy, Mr. Chuckles, Giggle Master, Miss Jiggles-a-Lot, and Happy Pappy are not legal names we recognize.
Boarding Announcements for the Class Conscious
If you are an emperor, tsar, sultan, raja, or king and wield unconditional power over trembling masses, their majesties are kindly invited to board.
Patriotic Airlines Presents Mega-Patriot Credit Cards
In the event of a water landing, beneath your seat is a compartment that contains a credit card application in a waterproof pouch.
6 Reasons Santa Claus is Now Called Jeff Bezos
All I need is for Bezos to read my kids a bedtime story and I will be up for the 2018 award for disconnected dad of the year.