5 Steps to Becoming a High-Functioning Alcoholic
It’s easy to become an alcoholic, since life is pretty terrible, but how to keep drinking and still (appear to) be a functioning member of society?
Tag: Alcohol
7 Mixed Drinks Guaranteed to Fuck You Up
The rapidly-swirling vortex of alcohol intensifies as a large mass of Corona streams in from the southwest, touching off tens of banana daiquiris in its deadly wake.
9 MORE of the Nerdiest Cocktail Recipes
I've decided to come to you once again delving into the world of nerd-themed alcoholism, while holding out hope that scientists create an artificial liver soon.
A Letter from Your Hangover
I want you to feel me in every inch of your body until you lose all sense of logic, and the usual minutiae of lazy Sundays goes out the window.
Drunk Playlist Generator (Just Add Vodka)
I've configured my playlist according to wordplay generated from wildly-named music artists, creating one continuous musical mash-up matrix. Just add more vodka.
21 Reasons I’m Drunk Right Now
The bartender on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday nights is my best friend. So it would be irresponsible to waste an opportunity for 33% off drinks, RIGHT?!
Douche Ukrainian Guy at the Bar
Yuri the Ukrainian, in a move to appear smooth, would sneak under girls' umbrellas and grope them. I didn't know his friends, but I thought this was pretty weird.
My Organs and I Go on a Bender
BRAIN: The last Saturday we went out with Eddie, we stayed out until 8 in the morning! It fucked up our Monday! Do you really want to do that again? KC: Yes.
Douche Canadian Guy at the Bar
"I hope you spend all your Canadian dollars on shitty booze and eat shit on your way out of here. Good night and it was not nice meeting you."
The Nerdiest Way to Get Drunk
I didn't want just ANY kind of deliriously drunk, I wanted to get Video Game Deliriously Drunk. Here are my personal experiences with nine gamer cocktails.
Highly Unconventional Super Bowl XLVII Drinking Game
What you need: one drink per person, one hurricane cocktail for every table, and residual enthusiasm from when you initially learned Tom Brady wasn't in the Super Bowl.
10 Reasons to Quit Drinking
Things to look forward to after you stop drinking: eating crazy meals without vomiting, filming neighborhood pornography, and immunity to previously insulting comments.