Grown World: An Amusement Park for Adults
No Driver's License Bumper Cars: Like bumper cars, but only the child drives. You have to sit and incessantly pumping the imaginary brakes.
Tag: Alcohol
I’m Your Local Craft Brewery, And I’m Inviting You to Bring Your Kids Over and Get Hammered in the Daytime
Feel free to make your kids play Connect Four while you pound some Child Hopbandonment, my extra-high-ABV double IPA.
This Week’s Pub Trivia Theme Is My Unjust Firing as Quizmaster
You also get free points if you have advice on what to do when your beloved pet gets evicted from his favorite shelf in a seldom-used closet.
When Children Try to Write Adult Fiction
"What is your job?" Wilmott said. "I work in an office," said Gorge. "My boss keeps turtles in a tank. Sometimes I have to feed them."
The Simple and Effective No Cookies or Wine Diet
The only exception to the wine rule is for post-work networking drinks. You don’t want to make the other person feel bad about drinking wine!
Adam Carolla’s Totally-Not-Gay, Dudely Dude COCKtail Guide
No-Homojito - Muddle the fuck out of some sugar, a mint sprig, and a gay lime. Add light rum as a top and dark rum as a bottom.
Good Housekeeping Tips for Throwing a Cozy, Old-Fashioned Thanksgiving Rager
For a fun coordinated touch, make sure that you’ve got a few hollowed-out pumpkins for your guests to vomit into if they indulge in too many.
Cocktails to Serve Party Guests That Have Overstayed Their Welcome and Need to Piss Off
Heat almond milk to a tepid temperature. Look around your little get together and remind guests that it is 9:01 PM on Saturday and it’s getting late.
Wartime Activities for Founding Fathers, or Ideal Back from Summer Break Activities for GOP Congressmen?
Admire rich white men who are landowners. / Cook porridge and flummery. / Exhort a vagabond to repentance.
It’s Me, the Brooding Whiskey Drinker Who Definitely Understands How Bars Work
Surely you can tell by the creases under my eyes and the lingering scent of nitroglycerin that I’ve had a rough one.
Remember, Oh Co-Eds, the College Campus Landscapers
They were the ones tasked with Edward Scissorhanding the bushes on the hill that greeted you.
As an Old and Bitter Movie Critic, I’m Finding Third-Act Problems in My Own Life
My life—the sophomore outing by parents William and Eloise Cunningham—begins confidently enough in suburban Nebraska.